Could it Be....Me?

As I sat in a women’s conference, I listened to the beautiful voices of Selah, content to bask in God’s presence while we worshiped.  The morning had been filled with laughter thanks to Liz Curtis Higgs. She taught us to be happy with the woman in the mirror because God loved and accepted her. A task that is perhaps easier said than done.
 

During Selah’s performance, the beautiful and incredibly talented, Amy Perry, gave a brief testimony of her experience with her 4-year-old son.  In typical preschool fashion, he had done something that frustrated her and asked if she was angry at him. She told him no, she was just angry. He turned and walked off saying, “You’re always angry.” It hit her so hard. That is not how she wanted her son to remember her.

As she spoke through her tears, my heart began to tighten. I had heard those words before. “Why are you always mad?” “Daddy’s fun, but you…”  Yes, those memories came flooding back. Those questions came from a much younger version of our son. I have prayed about this for years and tried conscientiously to change, but there are some days when I am sure my kids still feel this way, but they dare not ask the question.  

So I listened more intently to Amy’s testimony. She told of how she had always struggled with her weight and was very upset with herself that she could not lose weight after her son was born.  She realized the problem was not with her son, but with herself. She was not happy with herself so her disappointment came out as anger.

It was though a light went off. Is that what it has been all this time?  Is that why I have struggled with this as well?  It was true, I did focus on my weaknesses. I could, at any given moment, give a list of my inadequacies.  Truth is, I never thought I measured up. Measure up to whom? I don’t know. What was enough? Don’t know that either. Why did I have this inner chatter of how I thought others saw me?  And why did it matter so much?

Looking for answers, I may uncover painful memories. I may dig up feelings I thought were buried. But if we just deal with the bad fruit and never get to the root, the fruit will keep coming back. We cannot deal with anything as long as we deny it’s reality. So I vow to dive into God’s word and He and I will work through this together. I am His and He loves me. 

Psalm 139:14 “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”  He doesn’t want or expect me to be like anyone else, except maybe Jesus! 

  
Romans 12:6, We have different gifts, according to the grace given each of us.”  

Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Am I trying to please people? If I were trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Changing Seasons

What gorgeous fall weather we are having in South Georgia! Last night was a cool, breezy night of fun playing in the backyard with the family. Throwing the football, swinging, and eating chili on the deck made us not want to come inside. Alas, the need for baths and an 8:30 bedtime came too quickly.

With all the hustle and bustle of life, there is nothing better than free-time outside with the ones you love. Especially when the cool, crisp air makes you feel like you are on vacation in the Smoky Mountains. Last night was pure contentment for me. Our family likes to keep life as simple as possible, but sometimes things run a little crazy. It’s evenings like this that really remind me of what life is all about. It’s the simple pleasures of being with the ones we love most and enjoying the goodness of God.

I told Steve I wondered if God created four seasons just so we wouldn’t get bored. It’s easier to appreciate each one when they don’t last but 3 months! I’ve learned to be thankful for the goodness each one brings. The cool, crisp air and the beautiful colors of fall, the warmth of the fireplace and snuggling up with a blanket and a cup of hot chocolate in the winter, the beautiful flowers and chirping birds in the spring, and hanging out at the pool and vacationing at the beach in the summer. Of course, when shared with my family, it’s that much sweeter.

The more life changes for us, the more I am realizing that I need to relish in these simple pleasures. With the kids growing up so fast, the death of Steve’s dad, my dad being so sick and all the chaos around the world right now, life is too short and changes too often not to enjoy the blessings God has given me... and I am so blessed!

Praise the Lord, Oh My Soul

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. Psalm 103:8. 
I wish I would have been slow to anger this morning. Instead, I snapped at my son for stepping on my already injured toe. Of course it was an accident, but my knee-jerk reaction was a little harsh. My, how I need to practice this verse.
On a once in a blue moon occasion, I was shopping by myself two days ago.  I had taken a much anticipated trip to Hobby Lobby, and one of their buggies took a mean gash out of my pinky toe.  It looked to be healing fine, so I left it exposed after my shower.  Not a good idea.  Nathan was showing me some karate moves this morning when he rammed his tennis shoe right into my poor pinky toe, opening the wound all over again.  I yelled, "OUCH, Nathan watch what you're doing!!!"  Then a smidgen calmer, "I know it was an accident but you don't have to be acting crazy all the time."  I finished brushing his hair while I composed myself, and told him to finish what he was trying to tell me.  As he started, he began to cry.  I pulled him close and hugged him reassuring him that I knew it was an accident and I didn't mean to react that way. I know he felt really bad for hurting me, especially after he saw my toe bleeding again.  But my initial reaction made him feel worse.
How I wish I could control those initial reactions better.  I never knowingly want to hurt my children's feelings. As I looked at my toe this morning, I saw how much farther I have to go.  Then I heard Matt Redman on the radio discussing his story behind the song, "10,000 Reasons."  (one of my favorite songs). He explained Psalm 103 had been the key verse behind the song because the Psalmist can't seem to stop talking about all the many reasons he has to praise God.  Before I even got home from taking the kids to school, there were tears streaming down my face. Perhaps, if I were more thankful for all the blessings in my life, my knee-jerk reactions who be a little different. I opened my Bible and read Psalm 103. There is no telling how many times I have read this chapter, but oh how beautiful it was this morning.  Thank God that he knows I am formed of dust and has compassion on me.(vs.14) Perhaps it would benefit my children more, if I did the same for them.
I am humbled this morning because of a crazy incident concerning a hurt toe and the beautiful words of Psalm 103, given to me at just the right time. It's good to be "taken down a notch" once in a while, and no-one can do that better than God.
Listen to "10,000 Reasons" and count your many blessings. Even in the midst of trials or just the everyday mundane, there's something we can thank God for. After all, the sun came up this morning.  

Laugh a Little (or a Lot)

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

Proverbs 17:22

Our pastor sent us this adorable picture of Sophie that he took during VBS stating that “nothing is cuter than little girls when their giggle boxes get tipped over.” He’s right. I love to hear Sophie laugh. It’s infectious. And there is something about a group of little girls who have the giggles that is just contagious.

Oh how I wish I could laugh like that more often. I love getting together with friends and laughing. It just makes everything seem better, lighter. My thought about this picture was that I wish I could laugh like Sophie does. Sometimes I let stress and circumstances get the best of me. Sometimes I just need to take a break and share in my children’s laughter or take some time to be with friends who make me laugh and feel good. Notice I said, “take the time”. So often our busy schedules put those times on the back burner. But the busyness and stress of life is why we need to make time to be with friends and family. Sophie wasn’t laughing alone. I’m sure she had some little buddies laughing right along with her.

I know life has many difficulties, but that is why it is so important to find a way to be cheerful and laugh some during the day. Just thinking about the sad, bad and stressful stuff saps our strength. The Good News Translation puts the second half of Proverbs 17:22 this way. “It is a slow death to be gloomy all the time.” Hmm…a slow death. That’s what it can feel like when you are sad or perplexed all the time, right? So, take a break and share a laugh with someone. It’s like medicine without the icky taste. 

I dedicate this article to my father-in-law, Bob.  I wrote this last week not knowing that we would have to say goodbye to him today.   He was a man who loved to laugh, and he was a natural at making others laugh. He loved to have fun, but he was also caring and encouraging. It was hard to feel bad when he was around.  I only knew him for 11 years. I wish it could have been longer. We will surely miss him.

Trust Trumps Timidity

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. 

2 Timothy 1:7.

When Nathan was younger he loved to sing in front of the church with his Cherub Choir. He always had to be square in front of the microphone, and if he wasn’t, he’d inch his way over so that he could be. Nathan was never a shy baby or toddler. He loved the spotlight. As he has gotten older, he has become very nervous about being in front of people. Not only that, but the little boy who never met a stranger has become too nervous to introduce himself to kids he doesn’t know. I never saw that coming.

Sophie was an extremely shy baby but grew out of that into a socially happy child who loves to meet new friends. She also loves to sing with her choir and recently did a terrific job with her first solo part. However, when she discovered that she had actually done a solo (she thought that since the other kids were standing with her, it wasn’t a solo) she said she was too nervous to do it again.

I know the agony of letting fear rule my heart through nervousness. Unlike Nathan and Sophie who are nervous because people are watching, my fear was what people would think or that I would mess up. It happened a lot in school and kept me from doing things I would have enjoyed, like chorus or trying out for sports. I didn’t want anyone to see me mess up.

I don’t want that for my children. My heart breaks to think that they hold back from doing things they are really good at and enjoy because they are too nervous. However, when I try to encourage them, I hear a little voice saying that I should be listening to my own words. I have come a long way, but I still have a ways to go. I play the comparison game and am afraid others will do the same. When I recently sang my first solo part in front of our church during our Easter musical, I dreaded it for weeks. I was so afraid of what people would think. What if I messed up? What if I sounded awful?  One day when I was thinking those things, I felt Jesus whisper to me, "If you really believe the words, then sing it to me and don't worry about everyone else."  That brought me peace. It didn't take away the nervousness completely, but I knew he was with me.

Our motto last week in VBS is “Facing Fear, Trusting God.” I pray that this was ingrained in my children to help them overcome their fears of being in front of people. I know God has gifted them with talents, and I don’t want them to be too afraid to use them. I also know that I need to be a good example to my children and face my own fears, trusting God to see me through. I don’t want Nathan and Sophie to be prideful, but I want them to trust God and not let fear paralyze them and hold them back. That’s not God’s desire for them. According to 2 Timothy 1:7, fear and timidity doesn’t come from him, but power, love and sound judgment does. God is helping me to overcome my fears. He is giving me confidence. Not in my own abilities but in what he is doing in me and wants to do through me. I pray that he does the same for Nathan and Sophie, only much, much earlier.

Kindergarten Graduation Day

 I had a really tough day today. My baby graduated Kindergarten. Wasn’t it just last week that I wrote about her first day?! This crept up on me yesterday, and I didn’t even realize why I felt emotional until I started ironing her graduation gown last night. I caught a glimpse of ironing her high school graduation gown. To make it worse I looked back through her preschool keepsake books that her wonderful teachers made. Then the tears began to fall.

As a mom, I sometimes get tired of being needed all the time. Come on, I am sure if you are a mom, you’ve felt that way too. Having your name called 1000 times a day, answering the 100^th question of the day or looking for that lost _____ (you fill in the blank). Sometimes it all seems a little exhausting. However, it makes me sad to think that the older my children get, the less they will need me. I’ll admit it; my whole life has revolved around my children. But the older they get, the more they need to take responsibility in order to learn how to manage life. The more they need to do things for themselves and work problems out on their own. It makes me very nervous to think about having to let my kids start making some decisions on their own. But if we don’t, they will always expect mom and dad to “fix” everything. They can’t go through life like that and turn out  to be responsible, well adjusted teens and adults.

Of course I know that as parents, our job is to guide their decision making process so that they learn to make right choices on their own. Right now, we still have the means and the responsibility to make the right decisions for them if they can’t or won’t. I pray that Steve and I are instilling in them the wisdom they need to one day make those important and even everyday decisions on their own (with God’s help). We will always be here for them, but the day is coming when we will not be able to be by their sides telling them what they need to do in every situation. Oh, I dread that day!

I realize that they may not always need me holding their hand to get them through everything, but they will always need my prayers, love and support…and they will always have it.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

I recently uploaded my pictures from Christmas. Yes, it takes me a while. I found a picture I had forgotten about. It was a darling picture of Sophie and my nieces. As I looked at this picture, I saw such sweet innocence. Their cheerful smiles and bright eyes made me wish the younger four could stay this way forever. Too soon they will grow into preteens, teenagers and young women. Gabrielle, the oldest, has grown into a beautiful, bright young woman who loves the Lord.

When Sophie was four years old, I painted on her wall, in big, bold letters Psalm 139:14 “I will praise you because I am remarkably and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.” We recited it every night before bed. Since we have moved, she has asked me to paint it in her new room. I want her to know right from the start that God made her wonderful and beautiful, just the way she is.

I can't just talk about it though; I need to be a good example for her. I’m learning it takes an effort to live that out in front of her. I have to be careful not to let her see me fret about my weight or hair or skin. I want to teach her that taking care of herself is important because we are God’s temple and we are to honor him with our bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:19,20) We try to eat healthy, get exercise and dress appropriately as Christians.  No, I don't believe we have to be covered from head to toe, but we are to dress modestly. (1 Timothy 2:9) I  want her to have enough respect for herself and feel good enough about herself that when she is older, she doesn't feel the need to dress in a way that would draw negative attention and take focus off of who she really is on the inside. We like cute clothes and painting our toenails, but we don’t over-emphasize our outer beauty because God looks on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) 1 Peter 3: 3-4 says “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within...” I want our girls to know that they are beautiful because God loves them and made them special. They don’t have to look like anyone else but who they are.

Just like moms, dads play such an important role in their daughters’ lives. If a Daddy loves his little girl and is affectionate toward her and actively protects and cares for her, his daughter will feel like she is worth being treated with love and respect. Not only that, but if our daughters see Dad treat Mom in a loving and respectful way, she will know how her potential suitors should treat her. Daddies should be careful not to demean women or make crude comments about women. Our daughters are watching and listening.

Sophie has such a sweet nature and a compassionate heart. Our prayer is that she would be sheltered by our love and more importantly by God’s love so that the world around her doesn’t steel that from her. So that she knows she has a place where she is accepted and loved no matter what. A place where she can bare her soul and not be condemned. A place where she can make mistakes and be forgiven. A place where she can grow and learn with all the support we can give her. A place where she is free to sing and dance like no one is watching, even when we are.

Sophie and all of my nieces are unique and wonderful, just the way God made them. My prayer is that they are growing up with confidence in who God made them to be. As we encourage our daughters’ strengths, assist them through their weaknesses (without criticizing) and teach them about God’s love for them, they will know who they are. They are not just our princesses; they are princesses of the Most High King.