Be Glad Now!

I’ll be glad when… Have you ever said that regarding your children? One of the best pieces of parental advice I heard when I started on this journey of motherhood, was to refrain from saying, “I’ll be glad when…or I’ll be happy when…”  

OK, I admit, I have said it. Colic is a real reason to say, “I’ll be glad when my child does not have colic anymore!” or “I’ll be glad when this reflux is under control.”  Absolutely legitimate and not an ounce of guilt!  But if we are not careful, we can feel that way through so many stages of our children’s lives.  “I’ll be glad when he is off the bottle. I’ll be glad when she is out of diapers. I’ll be happy when he starts walking and I don’t have to carry him everywhere or when he sleeps all night (ok, another legitimate one).  I’ll be glad when he can dress himself or bathe himself, when she finishes middle school, when he can drive himself everywhere.”

Are we wishing our children right into adulthood? Consider the good aspects of those stages and enjoy the moment with your child. Bottle feeding means cuddling, diaper changes means looking into your babies eyes and having his full attention while you are talking to him. Now, I don’t miss the smelly diapers, but I do miss the eye to eye contact and communication that came with having my babies still on a changing table.  I can remember our son being amused by his toes, his first body part he could name; every diaper change came with him clutching them and hearing him say, “Toesss.” Bath-time is a time of connection and play. When they start walking, then we have to keep up with them!  Driving comes with concerns of its own and no more conversations or singing together in the car.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of this as well. Sometimes those stages I have wished away are the ones I long to have back.  We need to make the most of our time with our children while we have them with us.  Perspective is the key. Changing our perspective means changing our attitude which means more happiness in this journey of parenthood. 

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” James 4:14

“Make the most of every opportunity…” Ephesians 5:16

Don't Give Up!

“So let us not get tired of doing what is good, for in due season we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9

Trimming shrubs and pruning trees is like therapy for me. It helps relieve stress. I am in a zone! Towards the end of February, I spent a week using my spare time to trim all of our shrubs, trees and rose bushes. I weeded the flower beds and while my husband was gone for the weekend, had straw put out as a surprise. We were ready for spring! 

After just a couple of weeks, the rose bushes were already full of new growth and the first lovely pink blooms have now appeared. The bare branches of the Loropetalum bushes that I cut way back are now covered with maroon colored leaves and tiny dark pink flowers. The miracle of spring! When I finished cutting and cleaning and admired my work, my flower beds looked clean but quite bare! The pruned bushes had no show of beauty, no sign of life for all my hard work. All I could do was wait.  Wait for God’s perfect timing for nature to do its thing!

It reminded me of raising children. How often have I wondered if any of the teaching I give my children will produce a harvest? It may seem that some things we plant into their lives take a long time to come to fruition. It can be frustrating having addressed the same heart issue time and again and wonder if the beauty of the fruit will ever appear on the bare branches of our child’s life. Galatians 6:9 reminds us not to grow weary in doing good for we will reap a harvest at the proper time if we don’t give up. That includes the character traits, values and attitudes we instill in our children.

I witnessed a small bloom breaking forth on our son just the other day in a specific area that we have been working on for a long time and, on the surface, looked to be of no avail.  He picked up his sister’s coat and hung it up without being asked! A small physical act, yes, but a noticeable change in heart and attitude. I had asked both of them to put their coats where they belong. Since she was doing a chore elsewhere, he got there first. Not only did he put his away but he put hers away too. This was huge! He does well in many areas, but helping his sister, in any manner, was a struggle for him.  In fact, it was unheard of! A tiny blossom had emerged.  Yes!  The scriptures, the teaching and the prayers were paying off.

Since they are older now, I can see the evidence of growth in areas they struggled with as younger children. Sometimes, our efforts may seem futile, but they are not! In the hands of our Heavenly Father and by the work of the Holy Spirit, our children are learning and growing. Keep instilling the Word in them, keep praying, keep teaching with words and by example, and pruning with proper discipline. It may happen little by little, but we will see the new growth, the blossoms and the good fruit in their lives. 

“Therefore my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

About a Boy

That Hair!

Those Eyes!

He wraps his arms around me. When did he get so tall? I rest my cheek on his soft black hair. That hair. One of his signature features since he was born: head full, silky and jet black.  We’ve shared so many laughs about that hair, his dad and I. The nurse told me not to use any styling products in his newborn hair, so most days it stood straight up; brushing it didn’t matter. 

As our newborn grew into a laughing, bouncing, chatterbox baby, his eyelashes grew longer and longer.  Hence his second most notable feature, his sparkling eyes that dance when he smiles with eyelashes that go on for inches. As I cup his now 10-year-old face in my hands, he stares back at me, his eyes so brown, they are almost black. I look deep into them, trying to capture this moment. 

Will he always come to me, unprompted and wrap his arms around me? This boy, whose motto could be, “You can agree with me or you can be wrong.”  This boy, known by those who know him best, as the boy who could argue with a fence post, even as a preschooler.  Could he be a trial lawyer one day, fighting for just causes, standing up for those who cannot stand up for themselves? Only God knows. I know, however, God does have plans for him. His verse above his bed is Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” He has been able to quote it by heart for years.  

As I look into his eyes, still innocent, I want to shield him from hurt, from harm, from the world. Alas, I know that is impossible. For as he grows taller, he grows more aware.  More aware of the darkness in the world, more aware of things his friends and others say and do.  Always one to ask questions, we have tried our best to answer each one. Though it was sometimes tiring, now it has paid off, for the lines of communication are always open.  He is a deep thinker, our boy.  Not much gets passed him. We pray not much will get passed us either. We pray for wisdom for all of us.

Looking back over the years, we have seen our little fellow grow in stature and in knowledge. We used to say when he was little that he laughed loud and cried hard.  He was “all or nothing”. He still is. He is focused. He doesn’t usually do things half way. He is smart. God has gifted him with an amazing memory.  He is honest and has shown many times that he can be trusted to do the right thing when we are not looking.  He loves cheeseburgers and pizza and fights with his sister. 

If I dwell on it too much, it will make me incredibly sad. Knowing that most of our “little boy” days are coming to a close, is hard to swallow.  He will be turning 11 soon, and the next ten years will be filled with big boy adventures and young man firsts. It’s exciting to see what God will do in and through this awesome little dude.  I intend to be right there cheering him on, praying him through, and encouraging him to be all God has created him to be.

Could it Be....Me?

As I sat in a women’s conference, I listened to the beautiful voices of Selah, content to bask in God’s presence while we worshiped.  The morning had been filled with laughter thanks to Liz Curtis Higgs. She taught us to be happy with the woman in the mirror because God loved and accepted her. A task that is perhaps easier said than done.
 

During Selah’s performance, the beautiful and incredibly talented, Amy Perry, gave a brief testimony of her experience with her 4-year-old son.  In typical preschool fashion, he had done something that frustrated her and asked if she was angry at him. She told him no, she was just angry. He turned and walked off saying, “You’re always angry.” It hit her so hard. That is not how she wanted her son to remember her.

As she spoke through her tears, my heart began to tighten. I had heard those words before. “Why are you always mad?” “Daddy’s fun, but you…”  Yes, those memories came flooding back. Those questions came from a much younger version of our son. I have prayed about this for years and tried conscientiously to change, but there are some days when I am sure my kids still feel this way, but they dare not ask the question.  

So I listened more intently to Amy’s testimony. She told of how she had always struggled with her weight and was very upset with herself that she could not lose weight after her son was born.  She realized the problem was not with her son, but with herself. She was not happy with herself so her disappointment came out as anger.

It was though a light went off. Is that what it has been all this time?  Is that why I have struggled with this as well?  It was true, I did focus on my weaknesses. I could, at any given moment, give a list of my inadequacies.  Truth is, I never thought I measured up. Measure up to whom? I don’t know. What was enough? Don’t know that either. Why did I have this inner chatter of how I thought others saw me?  And why did it matter so much?

Looking for answers, I may uncover painful memories. I may dig up feelings I thought were buried. But if we just deal with the bad fruit and never get to the root, the fruit will keep coming back. We cannot deal with anything as long as we deny it’s reality. So I vow to dive into God’s word and He and I will work through this together. I am His and He loves me. 

Psalm 139:14 “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”  He doesn’t want or expect me to be like anyone else, except maybe Jesus! 

  
Romans 12:6, We have different gifts, according to the grace given each of us.”  

Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Am I trying to please people? If I were trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

A Grateful Heart

8:10am.  That’s what time our kids are supposed to be ready to walk out the door in the mornings: shoes and jacket on.     

8:18 Nathan is sitting on the bench by the door putting on his shoes.  Sophie, having just come from her room asks if her shoes that are getting too small will rub off her new toenail polish. 

 “Probably.”

 She asks if she can change.

“Quickly.”

“Mom!” She yells. “I can’t find any socks!”

Walking through the house, “If you would straighten out your drawer, you could find some.”  I look in the drawer. I immediately find a pair…

Back to the garage entry door, I go. Waiting. Nathan is still putting on his shoes. I can feel myself getting tense, my heart-rate rising. “Be patient” I tell myself.  Tilting my head back, I take a deep breath.  There I see it, a gentle reminder.  Above the door opening hangs a sign I put up shortly after we moved into our house nearly five years ago. “Just Another Day in Paradise”. I smile and feel the tension fade away.

Yes, this is the life I wanted. It is the life I still cherish. These are the kids for whom I prayed. These are the children who consume my thoughts and my heart.  The children who love Jesus, say yes ma'am and no ma'am. The children who give me hugs every day.  So healthy they have not missed a single day of school this year.  So smart and diligent that they are both on the honor roll. And I am grateful.

As I look at the sign, “another day in paradise”. I think of my husband who kisses me goodbye and tells me he loves me every morning before going to work. I’m grateful for him too. I prayed for a husband who would love and cherish me, who would work hard and be a family man. God answered that prayer too.

I think of this house in which the plaque hangs. The house I never thought would be ours. God, in his timing, delayed the sale of our old house in a declining neighborhood (robbed twice!) until the price of our current home met our budget.  The sale of old and purchase of new happened simultaneously. His timing was perfect. Now we live in a neighborhood where our kids have friends to play with and our neighbors are our friends and coworkers.  Again, an answered prayer and I am grateful.

It’s amazing how being grateful can change one’s perspective in an instant. How our hearts can beat to a different drum with the change of a thought. How our attitudes can improve when we are reminded or purposely remind ourselves how blessed we truly are.  I’m prompted of a quote my aunt used to say, “A complaining tongue reveals an ungrateful heart.”  May I always choose to be grateful.