Be Glad Now!

I’ll be glad when… Have you ever said that regarding your children? One of the best pieces of parental advice I heard when I started on this journey of motherhood, was to refrain from saying, “I’ll be glad when…or I’ll be happy when…”  

OK, I admit, I have said it. Colic is a real reason to say, “I’ll be glad when my child does not have colic anymore!” or “I’ll be glad when this reflux is under control.”  Absolutely legitimate and not an ounce of guilt!  But if we are not careful, we can feel that way through so many stages of our children’s lives.  “I’ll be glad when he is off the bottle. I’ll be glad when she is out of diapers. I’ll be happy when he starts walking and I don’t have to carry him everywhere or when he sleeps all night (ok, another legitimate one).  I’ll be glad when he can dress himself or bathe himself, when she finishes middle school, when he can drive himself everywhere.”

Are we wishing our children right into adulthood? Consider the good aspects of those stages and enjoy the moment with your child. Bottle feeding means cuddling, diaper changes means looking into your babies eyes and having his full attention while you are talking to him. Now, I don’t miss the smelly diapers, but I do miss the eye to eye contact and communication that came with having my babies still on a changing table.  I can remember our son being amused by his toes, his first body part he could name; every diaper change came with him clutching them and hearing him say, “Toesss.” Bath-time is a time of connection and play. When they start walking, then we have to keep up with them!  Driving comes with concerns of its own and no more conversations or singing together in the car.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of this as well. Sometimes those stages I have wished away are the ones I long to have back.  We need to make the most of our time with our children while we have them with us.  Perspective is the key. Changing our perspective means changing our attitude which means more happiness in this journey of parenthood. 

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” James 4:14

“Make the most of every opportunity…” Ephesians 5:16

Don't Give Up!

“So let us not get tired of doing what is good, for in due season we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9

Trimming shrubs and pruning trees is like therapy for me. It helps relieve stress. I am in a zone! Towards the end of February, I spent a week using my spare time to trim all of our shrubs, trees and rose bushes. I weeded the flower beds and while my husband was gone for the weekend, had straw put out as a surprise. We were ready for spring! 

After just a couple of weeks, the rose bushes were already full of new growth and the first lovely pink blooms have now appeared. The bare branches of the Loropetalum bushes that I cut way back are now covered with maroon colored leaves and tiny dark pink flowers. The miracle of spring! When I finished cutting and cleaning and admired my work, my flower beds looked clean but quite bare! The pruned bushes had no show of beauty, no sign of life for all my hard work. All I could do was wait.  Wait for God’s perfect timing for nature to do its thing!

It reminded me of raising children. How often have I wondered if any of the teaching I give my children will produce a harvest? It may seem that some things we plant into their lives take a long time to come to fruition. It can be frustrating having addressed the same heart issue time and again and wonder if the beauty of the fruit will ever appear on the bare branches of our child’s life. Galatians 6:9 reminds us not to grow weary in doing good for we will reap a harvest at the proper time if we don’t give up. That includes the character traits, values and attitudes we instill in our children.

I witnessed a small bloom breaking forth on our son just the other day in a specific area that we have been working on for a long time and, on the surface, looked to be of no avail.  He picked up his sister’s coat and hung it up without being asked! A small physical act, yes, but a noticeable change in heart and attitude. I had asked both of them to put their coats where they belong. Since she was doing a chore elsewhere, he got there first. Not only did he put his away but he put hers away too. This was huge! He does well in many areas, but helping his sister, in any manner, was a struggle for him.  In fact, it was unheard of! A tiny blossom had emerged.  Yes!  The scriptures, the teaching and the prayers were paying off.

Since they are older now, I can see the evidence of growth in areas they struggled with as younger children. Sometimes, our efforts may seem futile, but they are not! In the hands of our Heavenly Father and by the work of the Holy Spirit, our children are learning and growing. Keep instilling the Word in them, keep praying, keep teaching with words and by example, and pruning with proper discipline. It may happen little by little, but we will see the new growth, the blossoms and the good fruit in their lives. 

“Therefore my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

Could it Be....Me?

As I sat in a women’s conference, I listened to the beautiful voices of Selah, content to bask in God’s presence while we worshiped.  The morning had been filled with laughter thanks to Liz Curtis Higgs. She taught us to be happy with the woman in the mirror because God loved and accepted her. A task that is perhaps easier said than done.
 

During Selah’s performance, the beautiful and incredibly talented, Amy Perry, gave a brief testimony of her experience with her 4-year-old son.  In typical preschool fashion, he had done something that frustrated her and asked if she was angry at him. She told him no, she was just angry. He turned and walked off saying, “You’re always angry.” It hit her so hard. That is not how she wanted her son to remember her.

As she spoke through her tears, my heart began to tighten. I had heard those words before. “Why are you always mad?” “Daddy’s fun, but you…”  Yes, those memories came flooding back. Those questions came from a much younger version of our son. I have prayed about this for years and tried conscientiously to change, but there are some days when I am sure my kids still feel this way, but they dare not ask the question.  

So I listened more intently to Amy’s testimony. She told of how she had always struggled with her weight and was very upset with herself that she could not lose weight after her son was born.  She realized the problem was not with her son, but with herself. She was not happy with herself so her disappointment came out as anger.

It was though a light went off. Is that what it has been all this time?  Is that why I have struggled with this as well?  It was true, I did focus on my weaknesses. I could, at any given moment, give a list of my inadequacies.  Truth is, I never thought I measured up. Measure up to whom? I don’t know. What was enough? Don’t know that either. Why did I have this inner chatter of how I thought others saw me?  And why did it matter so much?

Looking for answers, I may uncover painful memories. I may dig up feelings I thought were buried. But if we just deal with the bad fruit and never get to the root, the fruit will keep coming back. We cannot deal with anything as long as we deny it’s reality. So I vow to dive into God’s word and He and I will work through this together. I am His and He loves me. 

Psalm 139:14 “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”  He doesn’t want or expect me to be like anyone else, except maybe Jesus! 

  
Romans 12:6, We have different gifts, according to the grace given each of us.”  

Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Am I trying to please people? If I were trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

A Grateful Heart

8:10am.  That’s what time our kids are supposed to be ready to walk out the door in the mornings: shoes and jacket on.     

8:18 Nathan is sitting on the bench by the door putting on his shoes.  Sophie, having just come from her room asks if her shoes that are getting too small will rub off her new toenail polish. 

 “Probably.”

 She asks if she can change.

“Quickly.”

“Mom!” She yells. “I can’t find any socks!”

Walking through the house, “If you would straighten out your drawer, you could find some.”  I look in the drawer. I immediately find a pair…

Back to the garage entry door, I go. Waiting. Nathan is still putting on his shoes. I can feel myself getting tense, my heart-rate rising. “Be patient” I tell myself.  Tilting my head back, I take a deep breath.  There I see it, a gentle reminder.  Above the door opening hangs a sign I put up shortly after we moved into our house nearly five years ago. “Just Another Day in Paradise”. I smile and feel the tension fade away.

Yes, this is the life I wanted. It is the life I still cherish. These are the kids for whom I prayed. These are the children who consume my thoughts and my heart.  The children who love Jesus, say yes ma'am and no ma'am. The children who give me hugs every day.  So healthy they have not missed a single day of school this year.  So smart and diligent that they are both on the honor roll. And I am grateful.

As I look at the sign, “another day in paradise”. I think of my husband who kisses me goodbye and tells me he loves me every morning before going to work. I’m grateful for him too. I prayed for a husband who would love and cherish me, who would work hard and be a family man. God answered that prayer too.

I think of this house in which the plaque hangs. The house I never thought would be ours. God, in his timing, delayed the sale of our old house in a declining neighborhood (robbed twice!) until the price of our current home met our budget.  The sale of old and purchase of new happened simultaneously. His timing was perfect. Now we live in a neighborhood where our kids have friends to play with and our neighbors are our friends and coworkers.  Again, an answered prayer and I am grateful.

It’s amazing how being grateful can change one’s perspective in an instant. How our hearts can beat to a different drum with the change of a thought. How our attitudes can improve when we are reminded or purposely remind ourselves how blessed we truly are.  I’m prompted of a quote my aunt used to say, “A complaining tongue reveals an ungrateful heart.”  May I always choose to be grateful.

Like a Child Crying "Mommy"

“Mommy,” my two-year-old Sophie turned to me, her big blue eyes, glassy and tired. With this one quiet, desperate plea, my heart broke.  Sophie had been admitted to the hospital with a kidney infection. After spending all day at the doctor’s office running tests to find out why her fever was so high, we were sent straight to the hospital. She had already endured a catheter and having blood drawn and she had missed her nap. 

At the hospital she suffered through two more catheters, having more blood drawn, an I.V., shaking uncontrollably and vomiting from a fever that was too high. The second day, they decided to do a test to find out why she had the infection. They assumed the valve in the urethra was not closing to prevent urine from traveling back up to her kidneys. So they had to fill her bladder completely full with water and dye via the catheter and perform x-rays after she expelled it. 

This was a traumatizing experience for her. She had already cried and screamed throughout her other procedures, but this was apparently the worst one, according to the nurses. One of them even suggested that I could wait outside as some parents did because they couldn’t handle the child’s crying. I probably looked dumbfounded to her because there was no way I was leaving my baby girl when she needed me most. Sophie screamed out, “MOMMY” while the procedure was taking place. I was right there gently comforting her and holding her hand. 

In fact, she had screamed out “Mommy” several times: during each cath insertion and during the x-rays. It was so hard to hear her pleading with me in desperation to do something to help her. She didn’t know that everything that was being done to her was for her own good. I stayed strong, not wanting her to see me upset. 

However, at a quiet moment in the day, after all the procedures were done, we were sitting on her hospital bed watching Dora the Explorer. She was leaning against me, her back to my stomach, when she turned to me looking into my eyes and said the aforementioned one word, “Mommy.” This time, she wasn’t screaming or crying. It was a small desperate plea that she had had enough. She turned back around and continued watching Dora. It was that moment that my heart could no longer be strong. The tears began to silently fall and I wished more than anything that I could take her place.

It’s easy to relate this back to our Heavenly Father. There are times when we are going through difficult situations, that we cry out his name wondering why He doesn’t do something. Like Sophie, we don’t understand, and we just want Him to make it stop. I can almost see Him looking at us lovingly and speaking gently to us, but our emotions and our mind are running rampant. We may not hear him speaking to us until we are quiet and still.  “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Anytime Sophie slept, she wanted to sleep on my chest. She was so traumatized by the whole thing that she would say, “Mommy hold me,” even though I already was. She simply could not get close enough to me. That is how we need to be when we are hurting. We need to draw close to God. It may seem like He isn’t there, but He is. Just like I wouldn’t leave Sophie during her procedure or any other time for that matter, He refuses to leave us. I love the way the Amplified Bible shows the intensity of Hebrews 13:5, “He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax my hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] 

Just like I wanted to take Sophie’s place, God wanted to take ours. He may not take our place during our circumstances, but He did send Jesus to take our place and die for our sins. “For He hath make Him to be sin for us, who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.” 2 Corinthians 5:21 “And He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.” 1 Peter 2:24 

God is our Heavenly Father; no matter what we are going through He loves us and is there with us. And if we are truly His, when all is said and done, because of His sacrifice, we are victorious, we are healed, we are whole.

A Faithful God and a Little Boy

These are the tiny shoes and the exact outfit our little Nathan was wearing at 6 months old when God spared us in an automobile accident exactly ten years ago today. These adorable little shoes rest on a shelf in our breakfast area as a constant reminder of God’s faithfulness. 

The evening sky was dark and rainy. Little Nathan was asleep in his car seat when a truck hydroplaned and crossed the median on Interstate 75 right in front of our car. We had nowhere to go. We T-boned the truck at full speed. In the split second before impact, my only thought was of my baby in the back seat. I blacked out and when I came to all I could hear was my baby crying. I couldn’t move; the pain in my back was excruciating. Steve’s door was jammed shut. I began to scream for help. Although only seconds passed, it seemed much longer. A kind young man ran to my door and when he opened it, my only words were, “Please check on my baby!” 

 He gently unbuckled Nathan and once he was out of the car, he stopped crying. A thorough doctor’s exam at the ER would later confirm that he was perfectly fine. Not a bruise, not a scratch. The car was smoking so the scared young man who was helping us urged us to get out of the car. Stunned and scared ourselves, we got out the best we could. Unknown to me at that time, my back was broken, thus the terrible stabbing pain. I crawled out on my hands and knees, made it to the side of the road and rolled over flat on my back. Since Steve couldn’t get out of his door, he crawled out on my side with one broken hand and the other bleeding profusely from several cuts. With his injured hands, he took Nathan from the man and Nathan was content to look around taking it all in. He wasn’t crying anymore at all. The man’s friend brought a blanket from their truck and wrapped it around Nathan. I still have that blanket. I don’t know this kind stranger's name or what he looked like, but I thank God he cared enough to help.

As I was lying in the emergency room, pain medicine starting to take effect, my mind came to a humbling realization. For about three weeks prior to this accident, I had felt impressed to pray especially for Nathan’s protection. From the very first day Nathan came home from the hospital, I have spoken God’s promises over him every night at bedtime. But I began specifically to speak protection scriptures like Psalm 91, Psalm 34:7 and others over him while praying for his safety. I knew right then in that ER room why I had felt so impressed to do that. I praised God for answering those prayers and I still do.

There were other things that I know were done to prepare for what was going to happen. Nathan had outgrown his infant car seat. I had researched online for the safest convertible car seat we could afford, and it had been installed just that Monday. However, Nathan’s head had a tendency to fall forward when he fell asleep. Since we knew we would be driving a greater distance Friday evening, we adjusted the seat before we left so he could rest comfortably without his head slumping forward. Had his head been leaning forward, the force of the impact could have caused serious injury. 

There were also no vehicles immediately behind us in our lane, so when our car came to a sudden stop, there was no one behind us to collide into the back of our car, where Nathan was sleeping. My mother said it was like angels kept all the traffic back. And I believe God did that too. Semi-trucks are a constant on I-75, but at that time, there were none in sight.

Although this was ten years ago, We will never forget. Psalm 78: 4, “We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.” As I think back on that frightful night that could have turned out immensely worse that what it did, I know that God is faithful. I know he loves us. And I know he has a purpose for our sweet, intelligent, analytical and funny, now 10 year old boy, Nathan.