In Pictures

 I've heard a picture's worth a thousand words.  I guess that depends on who is viewing the picture. To my children, a picture of  them when they were very little is something to giggle about or tease each other about.  "Look at your hair!"  "Look at all that food on your face!" To their dad, he sees his little boy and girl growing up too fast and it sometimes makes him sad. To me, their mom, I see two happy, healthy children enjoying their childhood, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
Like most moms, before my first baby was even born, I was determined to do everything right. By the time my second baby came along, I really didn't know exactly what "right" was. I was just doing the best I knew how.  To me, though, it was never enough.  I read so many parenting books and magazines that my head was spinning because of all the contradictory advice. I knew I only had one chance to get it right, and that terrified me.
Most nights I lay in bed and felt guilty over one thing or another, never feeling like I actually had this parenting thing down.  I cried because I raised my voice or snapped at one of my children. I felt guilty because I didn't get to read that book that Nathan asked me to or take them to the park like I had planned.  I worried that I was seriously messing up my kids.
I had wanted to stay home with my children during their preschool years because I wanted to be there for every moment. I wanted to be the one seeing to their every need. I had no idea how hard that would actually be. I wanted the very best for my children, and if I was the one with them 24/7, who would be the one who failed if they were scarred or messed up? Me... Oh, the pressure I put on myself.
Sophie and Nathan were 22 months apart. They both had acid reflux, which was painful and made it difficult for them to eat. Sophie was extremely sensitive to everything. Light, sound, people! You name it.  The girl cried non-stop for months. My babies were not the kind who would sit for an hour and just play with their toys like other babies I knew. Mine were very hands on.
When Nathan was around 3 and 4 years old, we butted heads like rams. He wasn't a bad kid. He was just a child that was...more.  He cried hard, laughed loud and felt things deeply.  He was strong willed and very intelligent. He analyzed everything and couldn't let anything go.  I didn't' realize it then, but he's so much like me. I thought for sure, I was doing everything wrong with him. 
But for the grace of God, I probably would have.  I never prayed so much in my life until I became a mother. I prayed every day for God to help me be a good mother. I prayed that in spite of my mistakes that my children would know how much they were loved.
When I see those pictures of them (and there are so, so many) I see the fruits of much labor and prayer.  They are smiling, laughing and playing, and I was there for all of it.  No matter how hard it was, when I see those pictures, I know I would do it all over again.
(Except for maybe the non-stop crying, and I would go a bit easier on everyone, including myself.)

Something More

Sometimes I get a feeling like there is something else that I am supposed to be doing. Even though I feel like I am obeying God in what he has told me to do, I feel like he has more for me. I wonder sometimes what it is and how long I will have to wait. Then I wonder if it is all in my head. Am I just being discontent in what he has me doing right now?

Many times I realize that I have my hands full at the present time, and if God is waiting to give me a new pursuit, it’s because he knows I would stress out trying to do everything. I know my most important job is being a wife and a mother to our two young children. Why do I sometimes feel like that is not enough? Yes, I have my service in the church: teaching different classes, singing in the choir and helping in other areas of service, but I wonder sometimes if any of it makes a difference.

I have felt this way over the past couple of days. Maybe it’s because I just had another birthday, and I don’t want my days or years to go by without having purpose or meaning. Maybe it’s because of other issues that are weighing on my mind. As I was listening to the radio today, the DJ was talking about her study of 1^st Chronicles where God told David that he would not be the one to rebuild the temple. He was to get things ready and prepare the way for his son Solomon to rebuild it. This reminded me that the most important task God has given me to do is to raise my children to love and know him. So that they can be prepared for whatever future he calls them to.

Perhaps that is why he has placed such a passion in my heart to fill their hearts with his word, to talk about him at home and worship him. Of course, I should be doing this anyway, but I feel they have a special desire and ability to learn about him. Their teachers at church and at school comment often about how much they know about the Bible and how they are able to connect its meaning. I feel sure God is preparing them for something special, and he is using me to help.

I need these reminders to show me that I am not “just a mom.” I am raising, teaching and helping establish two people who could be the ones God uses to rebuild his church. That is quite an honor and quite a responsibility. So, I need to stop wondering what else there may be out there and focus on what God has for me to do right now. I will trust that God has me where he wants me doing what he wants me to do.

Vacation Essentials

Vacations are an exciting time around our house. The days leading up to vacation are almost as exciting to our children as the vacation itself. With 5 children at home, I only remember going on one vacation with my parents, maybe two if you count a day trip to Six Flags over Georgia. But Steve and his parents and sometimes his grandparents went on many vacations. He has so many fond memories of those times that we want our children to experience that too.

One particular trip to Daytona Beach came with much anticipation because we were leaving as soon as the kids got out of school at noon. We had packed and planned and the day had finally arrived. In the car line at school, I pulled up to the doors. Nathan and Sophie arrived happy and giddy at the thought of leaving for the beach. However Sophie didn’t come to the car talking about all the things she wanted to do. Instead she had her Bible in her hands. Sophie and Nathan go to a Christian school and they are required to keep a Bible there. They don’t bring them home until the last day of school. So it seemed strange to me that she would have it with her.

“Why are you bringing your Bible?” I asked her. “I’m going to take it on vacation with us, so if anyone there doesn’t know about Jesus, you can talk to them and I will hold the Bible.” My heart was full. Oh my sweet girl! How many six year olds would think about that when they were about to leave to go to the beach? How many people period? I know I hadn’t thought of that. I had thought of what I needed to pack, bought snacks, made sure we had beach towels and sunscreen, but I had not specifically thought about witnessing to someone. Sophie did.

What a wonderful reminder that no matter where we are or what we are doing, we should always be ready to explain the hope we have in Christ Jesus. (1 Peter 3:15) There were sure to be lost people at Dayton Beach, and Sophie was thinking about leading them to Jesus. Who was being the example that day?

Owning Their Faith

"Nathan, what are you doing? It’s time for bed. Nathan put that game away; it’s time to leave for school. Put that up Nathan and go brush your teeth." Nathan got a hand-me-down android phone from his dad. There’s no plan for texting or actually using the phone, but he can play games, read and listen to music. Since he got it a couple of months ago, games are what Nathan has had his eyes and fingers glued to as often as we would let him. However, when I have asked him the above questions for the last couple of weeks, he is actually reading the Bible on his phone. I feel a little guilty and allow him to finish before he starts his task. He asked me to load the Bible App two weeks ago. He started two plans, “The Book of Daniel for Kids” and “The Children’s Guide to Easter” and reads them every day. How awesome!

Nathan has been saved for nearly two years now. I have wondered lately when he would begin to “own” his walk with the Lord and determine to seek God for himself. I encourage Bible reading, scripture memorization, and we do nighttime devotions with our children. In my heart, I want them to learn to seek God without being prompted. I have been so delighted to realize that at not quite 9 years old, Nathan is beginning to read and study the Bible own his own. Yeah!

Will he get behind? Maybe. Will he skip a day? Probably. But he started each plan and is doing them on his own. One thing about Nathan though, is that his is very methodical. Since this is a daily reading, he is more likely than I am to stick with it every day.

So, what have I learned through this? Regardless of what it looks like or feels like sometimes, every effort to help them grow spiritually is worth it. My kids are developing spiritually. Their hearts want to seek God and know more about him. I couldn’t be more proud of Nathan. I also learned, once again, to give my kids the benefit of the doubt. Just because Nathan looked like he was doing something mindless like playing a video game, didn’t mean he was. He was being a spiritually disciplined Christian.

What a Happy Mama I Am!

Sophie in front of the "Tree of Life" at DW

What a happy Mama I am! Last Friday, November 29^th, our Sweet Sophie prayed to receive Jesus Christ

as her Lord and Savior. After she prayed, she could not stop smiling. The girl was absolutely full of joy. She said she had waited for this her whole life! She even wrote a note to Jesus telling him she loved him and how happy she was to be saved.

She had been talking about being saved for a few weeks, and she seemed to have a firm understanding of what it all meant. When she asked me when she could be saved, I told her that we could pray whenever she was ready.

I know Sophie is young at not quite 7 years old, but she is spiritually mature for her age. Every time someone asked her what she was thankful for at Thanksgiving, her first answer would be, “Jesus dying on the cross for our sins.” Every time. Even before she was saved, she talked about Jesus all the time, how much she loves Him, and she is truly excited about him. Last night, Steve saw her kneeling beside her bed praying all by herself. Normally, she prays with one of us, but now she is praying on her own without even being prompted. That just touched my heart. She is serious about this. It’s not just something she thought she should do because she had heard about it so much. She truly wants Jesus in her life.

I am so proud of her. I know God has great plans for her. I pray that her joy and enthusiasm for the Lord continues to grow and spread to those around her. Heaven knows that we could use some enthusiastic Christians in this world!

Changing Seasons

What gorgeous fall weather we are having in South Georgia! Last night was a cool, breezy night of fun playing in the backyard with the family. Throwing the football, swinging, and eating chili on the deck made us not want to come inside. Alas, the need for baths and an 8:30 bedtime came too quickly.

With all the hustle and bustle of life, there is nothing better than free-time outside with the ones you love. Especially when the cool, crisp air makes you feel like you are on vacation in the Smoky Mountains. Last night was pure contentment for me. Our family likes to keep life as simple as possible, but sometimes things run a little crazy. It’s evenings like this that really remind me of what life is all about. It’s the simple pleasures of being with the ones we love most and enjoying the goodness of God.

I told Steve I wondered if God created four seasons just so we wouldn’t get bored. It’s easier to appreciate each one when they don’t last but 3 months! I’ve learned to be thankful for the goodness each one brings. The cool, crisp air and the beautiful colors of fall, the warmth of the fireplace and snuggling up with a blanket and a cup of hot chocolate in the winter, the beautiful flowers and chirping birds in the spring, and hanging out at the pool and vacationing at the beach in the summer. Of course, when shared with my family, it’s that much sweeter.

The more life changes for us, the more I am realizing that I need to relish in these simple pleasures. With the kids growing up so fast, the death of Steve’s dad, my dad being so sick and all the chaos around the world right now, life is too short and changes too often not to enjoy the blessings God has given me... and I am so blessed!

Praise the Lord, Oh My Soul

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. Psalm 103:8. 
I wish I would have been slow to anger this morning. Instead, I snapped at my son for stepping on my already injured toe. Of course it was an accident, but my knee-jerk reaction was a little harsh. My, how I need to practice this verse.
On a once in a blue moon occasion, I was shopping by myself two days ago.  I had taken a much anticipated trip to Hobby Lobby, and one of their buggies took a mean gash out of my pinky toe.  It looked to be healing fine, so I left it exposed after my shower.  Not a good idea.  Nathan was showing me some karate moves this morning when he rammed his tennis shoe right into my poor pinky toe, opening the wound all over again.  I yelled, "OUCH, Nathan watch what you're doing!!!"  Then a smidgen calmer, "I know it was an accident but you don't have to be acting crazy all the time."  I finished brushing his hair while I composed myself, and told him to finish what he was trying to tell me.  As he started, he began to cry.  I pulled him close and hugged him reassuring him that I knew it was an accident and I didn't mean to react that way. I know he felt really bad for hurting me, especially after he saw my toe bleeding again.  But my initial reaction made him feel worse.
How I wish I could control those initial reactions better.  I never knowingly want to hurt my children's feelings. As I looked at my toe this morning, I saw how much farther I have to go.  Then I heard Matt Redman on the radio discussing his story behind the song, "10,000 Reasons."  (one of my favorite songs). He explained Psalm 103 had been the key verse behind the song because the Psalmist can't seem to stop talking about all the many reasons he has to praise God.  Before I even got home from taking the kids to school, there were tears streaming down my face. Perhaps, if I were more thankful for all the blessings in my life, my knee-jerk reactions who be a little different. I opened my Bible and read Psalm 103. There is no telling how many times I have read this chapter, but oh how beautiful it was this morning.  Thank God that he knows I am formed of dust and has compassion on me.(vs.14) Perhaps it would benefit my children more, if I did the same for them.
I am humbled this morning because of a crazy incident concerning a hurt toe and the beautiful words of Psalm 103, given to me at just the right time. It's good to be "taken down a notch" once in a while, and no-one can do that better than God.
Listen to "10,000 Reasons" and count your many blessings. Even in the midst of trials or just the everyday mundane, there's something we can thank God for. After all, the sun came up this morning.