Love is Not Irritable

Kids can be brutally honest, especially boys. At least at our house. When we’re young, we don’t always have the good judgment to think before we speak. Actually many adults don’t either, but that’s a different story for a different day.

One busy Sunday morning a couple of years ago, I was frustrated trying to get everyone ready and out the door for church. Steve had already left to drive the church bus before Sunday school, and I was running behind. I remember standing in the kitchen wiping the milk from Nathan’s face, and I was quite grumpy. He sighed a heavy sigh and asked, “Why do you always have to be mad?” Ouch!

Now I wasn’t necessarily mad. I was irritated by the string of little things that had built up my frustration level that morning. But to a 6 year old, it all seems the same. My heart sank. I didn’t want that to be the way Nathan saw me. It was another eye-opening comment from one of my children.

Sometimes, the pattern of becoming easily irritated simply becomes a habit, a bad habit. It’s a pattern that needs to be broken. 1 Corinthians 13: 5 (NLT) says, “Love is not rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable…” It isn’t my “right” just because things are not going my way to get irritated with those around me. That isn’t showing love.

I don’t want my kids to roll their eyes, sigh and think, “That’s just the way mom is.” That is not what love is, so that is not who I want to be. And it isn’t who I have to be. I can wait quietly before the Lord, for my victory comes from Him. Psalm 62:1. Through the help of the Holy Spirit and time spent with Jesus in prayer and in God’s word, we can overcome any struggle with sin. We can have the victory. “Overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” Romans 8:37

Nathan irritated with me for taking a pic of his bed head!

Laugh a Little (or a Lot)

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

Proverbs 17:22

Our pastor sent us this adorable picture of Sophie that he took during VBS stating that “nothing is cuter than little girls when their giggle boxes get tipped over.” He’s right. I love to hear Sophie laugh. It’s infectious. And there is something about a group of little girls who have the giggles that is just contagious.

Oh how I wish I could laugh like that more often. I love getting together with friends and laughing. It just makes everything seem better, lighter. My thought about this picture was that I wish I could laugh like Sophie does. Sometimes I let stress and circumstances get the best of me. Sometimes I just need to take a break and share in my children’s laughter or take some time to be with friends who make me laugh and feel good. Notice I said, “take the time”. So often our busy schedules put those times on the back burner. But the busyness and stress of life is why we need to make time to be with friends and family. Sophie wasn’t laughing alone. I’m sure she had some little buddies laughing right along with her.

I know life has many difficulties, but that is why it is so important to find a way to be cheerful and laugh some during the day. Just thinking about the sad, bad and stressful stuff saps our strength. The Good News Translation puts the second half of Proverbs 17:22 this way. “It is a slow death to be gloomy all the time.” Hmm…a slow death. That’s what it can feel like when you are sad or perplexed all the time, right? So, take a break and share a laugh with someone. It’s like medicine without the icky taste. 

I dedicate this article to my father-in-law, Bob.  I wrote this last week not knowing that we would have to say goodbye to him today.   He was a man who loved to laugh, and he was a natural at making others laugh. He loved to have fun, but he was also caring and encouraging. It was hard to feel bad when he was around.  I only knew him for 11 years. I wish it could have been longer. We will surely miss him.

Trust Trumps Timidity

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. 

2 Timothy 1:7.

When Nathan was younger he loved to sing in front of the church with his Cherub Choir. He always had to be square in front of the microphone, and if he wasn’t, he’d inch his way over so that he could be. Nathan was never a shy baby or toddler. He loved the spotlight. As he has gotten older, he has become very nervous about being in front of people. Not only that, but the little boy who never met a stranger has become too nervous to introduce himself to kids he doesn’t know. I never saw that coming.

Sophie was an extremely shy baby but grew out of that into a socially happy child who loves to meet new friends. She also loves to sing with her choir and recently did a terrific job with her first solo part. However, when she discovered that she had actually done a solo (she thought that since the other kids were standing with her, it wasn’t a solo) she said she was too nervous to do it again.

I know the agony of letting fear rule my heart through nervousness. Unlike Nathan and Sophie who are nervous because people are watching, my fear was what people would think or that I would mess up. It happened a lot in school and kept me from doing things I would have enjoyed, like chorus or trying out for sports. I didn’t want anyone to see me mess up.

I don’t want that for my children. My heart breaks to think that they hold back from doing things they are really good at and enjoy because they are too nervous. However, when I try to encourage them, I hear a little voice saying that I should be listening to my own words. I have come a long way, but I still have a ways to go. I play the comparison game and am afraid others will do the same. When I recently sang my first solo part in front of our church during our Easter musical, I dreaded it for weeks. I was so afraid of what people would think. What if I messed up? What if I sounded awful?  One day when I was thinking those things, I felt Jesus whisper to me, "If you really believe the words, then sing it to me and don't worry about everyone else."  That brought me peace. It didn't take away the nervousness completely, but I knew he was with me.

Our motto last week in VBS is “Facing Fear, Trusting God.” I pray that this was ingrained in my children to help them overcome their fears of being in front of people. I know God has gifted them with talents, and I don’t want them to be too afraid to use them. I also know that I need to be a good example to my children and face my own fears, trusting God to see me through. I don’t want Nathan and Sophie to be prideful, but I want them to trust God and not let fear paralyze them and hold them back. That’s not God’s desire for them. According to 2 Timothy 1:7, fear and timidity doesn’t come from him, but power, love and sound judgment does. God is helping me to overcome my fears. He is giving me confidence. Not in my own abilities but in what he is doing in me and wants to do through me. I pray that he does the same for Nathan and Sophie, only much, much earlier.

Kindergarten Graduation Day

 I had a really tough day today. My baby graduated Kindergarten. Wasn’t it just last week that I wrote about her first day?! This crept up on me yesterday, and I didn’t even realize why I felt emotional until I started ironing her graduation gown last night. I caught a glimpse of ironing her high school graduation gown. To make it worse I looked back through her preschool keepsake books that her wonderful teachers made. Then the tears began to fall.

As a mom, I sometimes get tired of being needed all the time. Come on, I am sure if you are a mom, you’ve felt that way too. Having your name called 1000 times a day, answering the 100^th question of the day or looking for that lost _____ (you fill in the blank). Sometimes it all seems a little exhausting. However, it makes me sad to think that the older my children get, the less they will need me. I’ll admit it; my whole life has revolved around my children. But the older they get, the more they need to take responsibility in order to learn how to manage life. The more they need to do things for themselves and work problems out on their own. It makes me very nervous to think about having to let my kids start making some decisions on their own. But if we don’t, they will always expect mom and dad to “fix” everything. They can’t go through life like that and turn out  to be responsible, well adjusted teens and adults.

Of course I know that as parents, our job is to guide their decision making process so that they learn to make right choices on their own. Right now, we still have the means and the responsibility to make the right decisions for them if they can’t or won’t. I pray that Steve and I are instilling in them the wisdom they need to one day make those important and even everyday decisions on their own (with God’s help). We will always be here for them, but the day is coming when we will not be able to be by their sides telling them what they need to do in every situation. Oh, I dread that day!

I realize that they may not always need me holding their hand to get them through everything, but they will always need my prayers, love and support…and they will always have it.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

I recently uploaded my pictures from Christmas. Yes, it takes me a while. I found a picture I had forgotten about. It was a darling picture of Sophie and my nieces. As I looked at this picture, I saw such sweet innocence. Their cheerful smiles and bright eyes made me wish the younger four could stay this way forever. Too soon they will grow into preteens, teenagers and young women. Gabrielle, the oldest, has grown into a beautiful, bright young woman who loves the Lord.

When Sophie was four years old, I painted on her wall, in big, bold letters Psalm 139:14 “I will praise you because I am remarkably and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.” We recited it every night before bed. Since we have moved, she has asked me to paint it in her new room. I want her to know right from the start that God made her wonderful and beautiful, just the way she is.

I can't just talk about it though; I need to be a good example for her. I’m learning it takes an effort to live that out in front of her. I have to be careful not to let her see me fret about my weight or hair or skin. I want to teach her that taking care of herself is important because we are God’s temple and we are to honor him with our bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:19,20) We try to eat healthy, get exercise and dress appropriately as Christians.  No, I don't believe we have to be covered from head to toe, but we are to dress modestly. (1 Timothy 2:9) I  want her to have enough respect for herself and feel good enough about herself that when she is older, she doesn't feel the need to dress in a way that would draw negative attention and take focus off of who she really is on the inside. We like cute clothes and painting our toenails, but we don’t over-emphasize our outer beauty because God looks on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) 1 Peter 3: 3-4 says “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within...” I want our girls to know that they are beautiful because God loves them and made them special. They don’t have to look like anyone else but who they are.

Just like moms, dads play such an important role in their daughters’ lives. If a Daddy loves his little girl and is affectionate toward her and actively protects and cares for her, his daughter will feel like she is worth being treated with love and respect. Not only that, but if our daughters see Dad treat Mom in a loving and respectful way, she will know how her potential suitors should treat her. Daddies should be careful not to demean women or make crude comments about women. Our daughters are watching and listening.

Sophie has such a sweet nature and a compassionate heart. Our prayer is that she would be sheltered by our love and more importantly by God’s love so that the world around her doesn’t steel that from her. So that she knows she has a place where she is accepted and loved no matter what. A place where she can bare her soul and not be condemned. A place where she can make mistakes and be forgiven. A place where she can grow and learn with all the support we can give her. A place where she is free to sing and dance like no one is watching, even when we are.

Sophie and all of my nieces are unique and wonderful, just the way God made them. My prayer is that they are growing up with confidence in who God made them to be. As we encourage our daughters’ strengths, assist them through their weaknesses (without criticizing) and teach them about God’s love for them, they will know who they are. They are not just our princesses; they are princesses of the Most High King. 

Enjoying the Present

In the past two months we have celebrated birthdays for both of our children. I cannot believe that my baby is 6 and my first born is 8. Sometimes it seems like they have always been with us. Other times it seems like just yesterday they were babies. They should still be about 3 and 5. Where did the time go?!

So much has changed in the eight years since I became a mom. My whole world turned upside down and inside out the day Nathan was born. I look back now at how exhausting and challenging those early days were with two little ones only 22 months apart, and I wish I could have them back. Isn’t that funny? I miss watching Baby Einstein and Little Einsteins with them. I miss holding them in my arms (without hurting my back) and having them toddling around my feet.

So, on Nathan’s birthday, April 1^st, I was reminded of a recent devotion from our student minister during a family night at church. He encouraged us not to dwell on the past but to embrace the present. This really helped me to put my thoughts into perspective. I can dwell on the desire to have my children be babies and toddlers again (and be sad) or I can celebrate the ages they are right now. Wishing they were babies again is futile. It accomplishes nothing. Enjoying them at 6 and 8 accomplishes much.

Yes, it’s perfectly okay to reminisce over sweet memories, but they shouldn’t make us sad and long for the past. They should make us eager to make every moment count. Knowing that the days go by so fast should be reason enough for us to embrace every moment. Ephesians 5:15-16 says “Be very careful then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity…” So I pray that God will help me to make the most of the opportunities that I have with my children now…for tomorrow, they will be grown.

Field Trips, Mercy and Grace

Field trips. Got to love em. Well at least the kids do. After a very crazy day of chaperoning a recent field trip with my children and half of their school, we all three crashed on the couch exhausted. As Sophie worked with the remote to find a show to watch, she had to give it to me to get it where it needed to be. It’s one of those universal remotes that even I can’t figure out sometimes. As she lay down beside me, she asked, “Why can’t I do things right?” Thinking she was frustrated with the remote, I asked her what she meant. “Why can’t I listen?” she asked.

Okay, now let me back up. On the way back to the school from the field trip, we were talking about what we had to do after school. She was fussing and complaining because she couldn’t do certain things she wanted to do. Even after I explained to her why she couldn’t, she kept on. Now I knew she was tired so I was patient with her. Finally after I had heard enough, I told her she was being ungrateful. I had just spent the whole day with her on her field trip, and it was all about her having fun. After thinking for a while, she told me she was sorry for acting that way.

Then at a store, she whined and complained again because she couldn’t get a game she wanted. Even after I explained why, she kept on. Don’t you love that? Me neither.

When we got in the car, she began to cry and said she was sorry. So when she asked me at home why she wasn’t able to listen, I knew she had really been thinking about it. I knew she didn’t need a lecture. What she needed was the truth spoken in love, and she needed grace.

I couldn’t help but sympathize with her. I too wonder and ask God sometimes, “Why can’t I get it right?” After trying and trying to improve on things and going round and round in circles, I feel defeated too. Do you know what my Father gives me? Truth and grace. God knows my heart. I may not always get everything right, but He still loves me anyway. I felt like that is what Sophie needed to know. That I love her even when she messes up… over and over again. The fact that she is trying and wants to change makes me more willing to show her mercy. God also knows when we really desire to obey Him and live according to His word. Thankfully, He shows mercy upon mercy to me too.

“The Lord God has told us what is right and what He demands: “See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God.” Micah 6: 8

“The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.” Lamentations 22,23