Gee, Thanks Mom

 I was standing at one of my regular posts, the washing machine, when I felt someone walk up behind me. As I turned around, I saw tears in my daughter’s eyes. She whispered that she had left her toothpaste at her friend’s house after their sleep-over.  As I looked at her flush little face, my heart felt for her.

Why would she cry over toothpaste? Well, for one thing she was very tired. Like many of us, when she is tired, she gets emotional.  But the other reason is that she is often forgetting things. It is a regular occurrence, a constant infraction, and often her excuse for, well, just about anything.  She thought she would be in trouble. As I looked at her, I saw myself. To this day, I am forever forgetting things. It’s a running joke when we gather at my mom’s house that when I leave, I will forget something: sunglasses, my watch, food, etc.… My husband and my friends at work know I forget my phone on a consistent basis.

It is so frustrating to me. I try; I really do, but remembering things is not one of my strengths.  While I want my children to excel and overcome their weaknesses, I am reminded that some of those weaknesses came directly from me. Bummer. Why couldn’t they have inherited all my strengths and all my husband’s strengths and none of our weaknesses?!  am reminded that I too, am intrinsically flawed.  Yet God shows me grace. Grace upon grace. My children deserve the same from me.

I find myself pushing them sometimes to overcome these inherited (or possibly, inadvertently learned from watching me?...ugh), undesirable tendencies because I don’t want them to struggle with them all their lives: forgetfulness, procrastination, impatience. Oh and the occasional emotional melt-down when tired, that’s from me too. But I realize there is a difference between pushing and nagging and actually helping and encouraging. When I show grace, I can encourage, but without grace, I may make my children feel like they are not good enough, like their weaknesses define them. That is NOT what I want. 

I wrapped my arms around my sweet girl and told her it was OK. Mommy forgets things a lot too and she was welcome to use my toothpaste. The next day her friend came to play and brought her little travel bag back. When I saw it on the table, all I could do was laugh.  For in it, was not only her toothpaste, but also her shampoo, conditioner, tangle spray and brush! 

“Grace, grace, God’s grace, grace that is greater than all my sins.”

 (And it is greater than our weaknesses too)

You Get What You Get...

I hear screams coming from the other end of the house...again.  I know them well. My daughter. I don't panic though. It's a play scream. Her brother is tickling her or threatening to tickle her. Or he is looking at her with mischief of some sort in his eye. Oh my soul. I dislike those screams verily: ear piercing, make the dog howl, nails on a chalkboard screams. 

Before I walk through house to tell them to stop, I am reminded that I prayed for this. Really? Well, sort of. My heart's desire is that my children be best friends, that they enjoy each others' company. Apparently doing that includes screaming. My children have two sides. They are screaming with each other because they are happy and playing or they are fussing and sometimes yelling because they are angry with each other. 

I'm choosing happy. I can hear the screams right now. So, I shut my door. I like quietness and order. But God in his sometimes humorous wisdom, gave me two loud children! If they are happy and playing together, they are wrestling, screaming and laughing, loudly. I need to learn to live with that. That is the way they get along best right now. And isn't that what I actually want? I realize if I step in and end their play every time it gets louder than what I would like, I could be altering their future relationship. Light bulb moment, right now, believe it or not, they are bonding.

Soon, when I have had enough, and don't think me a saint of a mom, It.Will.Happen, I will put them outside. But for now, I am reminded of the saying Sophie learned in preschool, "You get what you get (come on say it with me) and you don't pitch a fit!"

Playtime

Finally, Saturday afternoon had arrived. The morning seminar I had to attend was finished. The house was mostly in order and the weather outside was delightful. So, I grabbed my book and nestled into my cozy chair on my back porch, feet up, coffee beside me. I could see and hear my kids playing in the back yard. All was well with the world.

“Mom, come jump with us,” was the request I heard from my kids who were on their trampoline. Now, I had already jumped with them briefly, and I was satisfied it was enough. “Not right now, just play with each other,” I countered. The last thing I wanted to do was jump on the trampoline. I mean, I’m almost 40! Then the request again, “But we want you to come jump with us.” Why can’t they just let me be? I just want to sit here and read this book, this parenting book…

At that very moment, I read the words, “Love to a child is spelled T-I-M-E. Your presence and every minute you spend with your child matter much more than you can imagine. The benefits will last a lifetime.”* Sigh…Smile. OK, I get it. So I lay down my parenting book and actually went to be a parent. 

As I opened the screen door and walked toward them, cheers exploded. Wow, what a reception!  I climbed on the trampoline and we jumped. We wrestled. We rested. Repeat. As I lay on my back, catching my breath, my children lay with me, the breeze blowing cool on our skin.  We watched the clouds pass by. We talked; we laughed. They were happy. I was happy. And again, all was well with the world. 

Sometimes, our tired, adult minds and bodies just want to rest, and we need that. Sometimes, our adult responsibilities have to be done; that’s being a mature adult. But sometimes, we just need to let it all go and play with our kids. For our kids will soon be the tired, responsible adults and the opportunity will have passed us by.

*Dr. Kevin Leman, Have a Happy Family by Friday

Be Glad Now!

I’ll be glad when… Have you ever said that regarding your children? One of the best pieces of parental advice I heard when I started on this journey of motherhood, was to refrain from saying, “I’ll be glad when…or I’ll be happy when…”  

OK, I admit, I have said it. Colic is a real reason to say, “I’ll be glad when my child does not have colic anymore!” or “I’ll be glad when this reflux is under control.”  Absolutely legitimate and not an ounce of guilt!  But if we are not careful, we can feel that way through so many stages of our children’s lives.  “I’ll be glad when he is off the bottle. I’ll be glad when she is out of diapers. I’ll be happy when he starts walking and I don’t have to carry him everywhere or when he sleeps all night (ok, another legitimate one).  I’ll be glad when he can dress himself or bathe himself, when she finishes middle school, when he can drive himself everywhere.”

Are we wishing our children right into adulthood? Consider the good aspects of those stages and enjoy the moment with your child. Bottle feeding means cuddling, diaper changes means looking into your babies eyes and having his full attention while you are talking to him. Now, I don’t miss the smelly diapers, but I do miss the eye to eye contact and communication that came with having my babies still on a changing table.  I can remember our son being amused by his toes, his first body part he could name; every diaper change came with him clutching them and hearing him say, “Toesss.” Bath-time is a time of connection and play. When they start walking, then we have to keep up with them!  Driving comes with concerns of its own and no more conversations or singing together in the car.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of this as well. Sometimes those stages I have wished away are the ones I long to have back.  We need to make the most of our time with our children while we have them with us.  Perspective is the key. Changing our perspective means changing our attitude which means more happiness in this journey of parenthood. 

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” James 4:14

“Make the most of every opportunity…” Ephesians 5:16