Christmas Peace

I just love Christmas! Sitting here listening to Christmas music just makes me giddy. I have vowed this year not to stress out about Christmas. Easier said than done, right? Maybe not. I am going to choose not to need everything perfect.

I already have all the Christmas decorations out. I tell myself I am done, and I hope I stick to that. Our kids have been so excited ever since we started talking about decorating for Christmas. They have been bouncing off the walls! They love everything about Christmas, not just the presents. In fact, they have not asked for much at all. They are just happy, happy, happy. Yesterday afternoon I decided to take pictures for our Christmas cards. I have to admit there have been a couple of years that I stressed out because I couldn’t get them to smile like I wanted them to or stay where I put them. Oh how silly that sounds to me now to expect two small, energetic children (or a puppy) to pose exactly the way I had it pictured in my mind.

This year the picture taking started out almost the same way. We had to get the pictures done before the sun went down too much to have enough light. Sophie especially, was being very silly and giggly. I was getting irritated again because I didn’t think she was cooperating. Then it dawned on me, this IS the way they are. If I want people who haven’t seen my kids lately to know them better, why not capture them the way they are? Silly and genuinely happy, not forced. So that’s what we did. See the pictures for yourself.

I’m taking a hint from Nathan and Sophie this year. I want to enjoy Christmas for Christmas. Admittedly, I have had to catch myself when I started to stress about lights or ornaments this year; I don’t want to stress about schedules and decorations, gifts and get-togethers…or pictures. I have decided to focus on Jesus, family and friends, giving to others and just enjoying the season that will be gone in a few weeks. Thanks to a lesson from my children and a 5 Day Christmas Challenge from Karen Ehman (Proverbs 31 Ministries), this Christmas, I don’t have to be in control of everything! And it actually feels pretty good.

Merry Peace and Joy filled Christmas!

I Want to Leave a Legacy

Today's post is not necessarily about what I have learned through my children, but rather what I want them to learn through me.   Today I spent most of the day at my parents' home enjoying their company and eating a wonderful Thanksgiving feast. It was so nice to have most of our family together laughing and enjoying the beautiful day. The only ones missing were my sister Charlene and her family.    
My aunt Bertha and Uncle Jimmie were there as well.  My aunt has had some very difficult health issues.  Issues that have taken their toll on her body and her abilities.  Even through her difficulties, she is still encouraging to others.  She still talks about Jesus like he is her best friend, because he is.  She speaks with a weaker voice, but her faith is still just as strong as ever.  She talks about God with the love and adoration of an admiring daughter, and her trust in Him has not wavered.  She still has that contagious joy and that sweet spirit that has always drawn everyone to her. 
My aunt Bertha didn't get to raise her own children.  All three died shortly after birth.  However she is like the woman the Bible speaks of who had no children of her own but was blessed with more than a woman who did.  She has touched so many lives with her faith, joy and love for others. She has taught me so much about God and the Bible.  She has influenced so many people that have grown up around her; she has many spiritual children that share in her legacy.  I want to be like her when I grow up.
That's what I want for my children.  I want to leave such a legacy of faith.  I want them to see my love for God doesn't change when trouble comes.  I want to have the Godly character and exude the fruit of the spirit so that they can see Jesus in me.  (God and I are still working on some of those). Thirty years from now when they are my age, I don't want them passing down negative characteristics or habits that they learned from me to their children.  I want them to carry on the legacy of faith and a love for God and His word that makes their influence on their children positive and good.
There are so many things that we can pass down to our children: habits, a sense of style, athletic ability,  interests, or skills, but the most important thing that we as parents pass down to our children is a passionate love for Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful for the Godly women who set an example before me.  My own mother, my granny and my aunt have sown seeds in me that I hope will continue to grow and be replanted in my own children and others around me.

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Deuteronomy 6:7

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Ephesians 5:1-2

Let Them Live

24 weeks-considered viable

As I hugged my children this morning, I hugged them tighter and a little longer than I usually do on a busy school morning. I held them longer for all the babies who will never have the opportunity to have a mother hug them. I held them close in honor of all the babies who will not be allowed to live over the next four years.

You see, yesterday, over half the voters in our beloved United States of America voted to put back into office the most radical pro-abortion president we have ever had. A president with one of the most prominent points of his democratic platform being to provide abortion on demand right up until the time of birth. A president who voted 4 times while in the Senate to prevent babies who survived an abortion from receiving medical care. He would rather they be discarded and left to die. How sad it is that the people of our country care so little about a child’s life.

Some voters don’t know the president’s extreme policy on abortion. That’s no excuse. If they cared about life and preventing abortions, they could check his policies and past voting records to find the truth. Some voters just don’t care. They chose to vote for him despite knowing and believing that abortion is wrong and simply turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to the truth. Then of course there are those who actually agree with his abortion agenda.

I’m not sure which of these three is worse. I can say, however, to a baby that is being destroyed, it doesn’t matter. To a child that has great potential but isn’t allowed the decency of even being born, what difference does it make? My heart is broken this morning. My heart breaks for all the children across this land who are mere pawns in a political war. Instead of being seen as innocent human beings with beating hearts and sweet souls, they are seen as a plague to be rid of or trash to be thrown out.

What a sad, sad day it is. So today, despite my disappointment in the American people, I am more thankful than ever for my children. I want to hold them and never let go. I’m so thankful that my mother, a mother of 5, chose life. I am thankful that abortion never entered her mind or mine. I am thankful for all the women and men who work tirelessly, even now, to save the lives of preborn children.  We will have to work even harder now. “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless and see that they get justice. ” Proverbs 31:8,9

We will have to pray even more now that God would move on the hearts of women to love their babies so much that they will do whatever it takes to protect them and give them life. That He will move on the hearts of lawmakers and judges to protect the lives of unborn children. When my children ask me what my “Pro-Life" T-shirt means, I simply tell them that I am for life and I believe every child deserves the chance to live.

Do you?

Be of Good Cheer

Have you ever just needed some encouragement? Life gets hard. Sometimes, really hard. Sometimes, things just pile up. Sometimes, you get tired of hearing about everything you are doing wrong and how you need to change this or that.

As I was chiding my children the other night for not doing something I told them to do, I felt like a broken record. I caught myself thinking, I wonder if they ask themselves if they ever do anything right. Don’t get me wrong, I do encourage my kids and praise them for each success. But I also stay after them a lot, probably more than is needed. Honestly, I get tired of hearing me, so I am sure they do too.

I get like that too. I know I am not perfect. I know that we all need improvement and need to grow in the Lord. I am constantly reading books or Bible studies to help me grow in one area or another. I try to reflect on each sermon from my pastor to see if I am the person he is talking about instead of pointing fingers. There have been times that I have felt like there was so much about me that needed to be changed, that I honestly did not know where to start. That’s when I need encouragement. I need to remind myself that “I may not be where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be. I’m okay and I’m on my way” - Joyce Meyer. Do I always have to feel bad about myself to be a good Christian? No!

Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” There is a difference between condemnation and conviction. I don’t have to wallow in what I am doing wrong. I do need to be aware of it, pray about it, do what I can do and let God change me through His Holy Spirit. The Bible is full of encouragement as well as conviction and instruction. We need a balance of both. Sometimes the circumstances of life can be overwhelming. We need to know that God loves us, is rooting for us, and will not let us go. We need to know that we are not alone. We need to know that we have strengths and not just weaknesses.

So, I intend to pour on the encouragement for my children, my husband and whomever I see that may need it (even me). I am going to use not only correction from the Bible, “Do everything without arguing or complaining” but also encouragement, “Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the LORD.” Many scriptures even have both in the same sentence. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works(encouragement), which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them(instruction).”

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (Jesus) John 16:33

Another Life Lesson From Learning to Ride a Bike

 In my last post, Sophie and I were running up and down the drive way. Actually she was riding her bike and I was the one running. Since I had just eaten and was getting tired, Steve decided to help. As Sophie grew more confident, we began to let her make single passes by herself from Steve to me and then back. He would stand a few feet from where I was, push her off to me, and I would catch her if she started to fall.

She was doing great but was easily distracted. She would look away if she saw Nathan throwing the football. She would look away if she saw a butterfly flying by. It didn’t take much to catch her attention. As soon as she would look away from whomever she was riding toward, she would get off balance and start to fall. “Don’t look away.” I would tell her. “Keep your eyes on me and you won’t fall.”

How many times when we are riding through life, do we take our eyes off Jesus and get “off balance”? It likely happens more than most of us would like to admit. We may be riding through life with the wind in our hair and because it’s smooth sailing, we take our eyes off Jesus. We think we are doing just fine on our own and begin to look away at other things. Busyness, comfort or sin begins to take precedent over Jesus and we begin to get off balance. Because of our wrong choices, we may get more than a bruise or scraped knee.

It’s also easy to get distracted by bad things in the world. Pain and evil are all around us. We see it on the news and in the paper. Sometimes in our own lives, the pain seems overwhelming. For some, it may be a loved one who is sick. For others, it may be their own sickness or a troubled marriage. It may be the loss of a job or difficulty with a child. Although life’s circumstances can be hard, we have to fix our eyes on Jesus. “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” We cannot run this race without Him as our focus. Don’t lose heart; keep your eyes on Jesus.

No Fear

It has been a very rainy summer this year in South Georgia, inches after inches, week after week. Our grass is soft and thick like the plushest carpet. This combined with a slight slope in our front yard makes the perfect path for learning to ride a bike. One day, out of the blue, Sophie decided she was ready to ride her bike without training wheels.

So we made run after run down the grassy slope with me holding on to the seat and running behind her. She was so proud of herself when I let go and she did it on her own. We continued until it started raining again and retreated inside. Two days later we were outside playing after supper. Sophie wanted to practice again. This time she wanted to ride on the drive way. So here we went again. Pass after pass, one direction and then the other. It doesn’t take much bending over a little bicycle and running back and forth after eating pizza and hot wings to get winded. Several times I suggested she go over to the grass and try by herself. “It’s soft; you won’t get hurt.”

“I’m too scared,” she’d say. So we kept going. Finally after I could no longer run with her, I told her again to go try on the grass. Again she said, “I’m too scared.”

“Why are you scared? You did it just two days ago, and you did great.”

“Well you were right there with me” she proclaimed. She knew when I was running alongside her that I wouldn’t let her fall. Even though the grass was soft and wouldn’t hurt her, she wanted to know I was there with her.

Sounds like a life lesson to me. How often do we as Christians try to deal with the trials of life without realizing that our Heavenly Father is there with us? We flounder around trying to deal with things on our own when God is right there with us. We often allow fear to seize us and keep us from doing the things God has called us to do. I love the way the Amplified Bible translates Hebrews 13:5 “He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (^[relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” Wow, what a promise! But that’s not all; verse 6 goes on to tell us how we should respond to that promise. “So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified].” When we realize that God is with us and will never let go of us, we can face life’s challenges without fear.

Sophie will eventually learn to ride her bike without my help and without fear of falling. Thankfully, as God’s children, we will never have to ride life’s stormy seas alone. God is always right there with us, and He will not let us fall. That’s a promise.

The Difference Between Boys and Girls

I don’t like to stereotype. Whether it is race, location (i.e. southern doesn’t equal redneck) or gender, not everyone fits into the same mold. However, you can’t deny the fact that the majority of boys and girls have certain traits in common with their unique gender.

The other day, I saw it yet again. Steve had taken off work and he and the kids brought breakfast to me at work. As they all filed into my office, Nathan immediately spotted a picture hanging on my wall. It was a photo of Steve and me and two other couples dressed up at the Captain’s dinner on a Bahamas’ cruise. Our boss had taken the entire company as a way to celebrate the company’s 25^th anniversary. A coworker had recently printed it out and brought it to me as a joke so I taped it to my wall. After I had answered several questions about it, Nathan said in a matter of fact way, “You looked younger then.” Thanks, Nathan…it was 10 years ago!

Kids…Boys…little boys… They say whatever comes to mind. Now my daughter didn’t really notice the picture, but I have an idea of what she would have said. “Mommy, you looked beautiful.” Sophie always tries to make people feel good. She tells me all the time how pretty she thinks I am or how much she loves me. She’s always hugging and kissing her family. She is very affectionate, compassionate and thoughtful.

Nathan is very literal and straight forward. He doesn’t seem to notice people as much as he notices facts. He cares about the outcome of things. Sophie cares about feelings. They are so different. Perhaps it’s just personality differences. Maybe it has a lot to do with their gender. I’m sure it’s a combination.

I think that is where a lot of parents automatically think their growing boys don’t need as much affectionate displays of love, but in his own way, Nathan still lets me know that he does. When I sit on the sofa beside him, he will snuggle up close without saying a word. When we get out of our van, he automatically grabs my hand. When he started kindergarten, I would walk him to class every day. When I gave him a hug and kiss, he would just stand there almost like a statue. It seemed like he didn’t care but endured it for my benefit. One day, while standing in front of his classroom door, I was talking to his teacher. He just stood there beside me instead of running to play with his friends. When I asked him what was the matter, he said quietly, “You haven’t kissed me yet.” I was a little surprised. He needed a kiss as much as I needed to give him one. Then toward the end of that year, he asked me to kiss him when he got out of the van instead of inside the school. Apparently, he didn’t want his friends to see. (That started younger than I anticipated.)

I have to look for it with him more than I do with Sophie, but it’s there, the longing to feel his mom’s touch and to know that he is still my little man. Boys will be boys. They may act like they don’t need or even want our hugs and kisses, but deep down, they do. So lay it on ‘em! (Maybe just not in front of their friends)

Listen Up!

This school year I determined things were going to be different. No more rushed and frustrated mornings. No more nagging, no more raised voices, no more tears. Surely if I had plenty of time to get everything done without rushing, our mornings would be so much better.

Although I get up earlier now and there is no rushing on my part, our two little ones don’t know the meaning of staying on task. You would think by now in the second grade that at least Nathan would know the drill. Today it seemed all I did was stay on top of them to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush your hair, brush your teeth, feed the dog. I was beginning to get aggravating with them for not doing what they were supposed to do.

Sophie does not like to eat a big breakfast. I understand that. She eats well at lunch and supper, so I try not to make a big deal out of it as long as she eats something. This morning she said she didn’t feel good. This was nothing out of the ordinary because she often says that when she doesn’t want to do something. However, since I was packing snacks and lunches, I didn’t necessarily pay attention to how she was acting. If I had, I would have noticed that she was not her normal bubbly self. I would have noticed her quietness. I didn’t. I made her eat one little sausage biscuit and one strawberry because I figured she would be hungry again before snack-time. After much pushing to get her to finish, she began to cry.

Of course, this was not what I wanted our mornings to be like. I didn’t want to make her cry before I had to leave her for the day. Here we go again. I thought I had done everything right by making sure I was not hurried. By being so determined to stay on task, I had failed to pay attention to my daughter. I mean really pay attention. When she brushed her teeth, she gagged and threw up. While holding her hair back, I began to process the morning. She had coughed some at breakfast, and I didn’t realize then that she had sinus drainage which was making her tummy feel bad. So when she brushed her teeth, all the breakfast I made her eat was gone.

If I had only listened to her and evaluated her demeanor, I would have been more compassionate, and I would have never made her cry by forcing her to eat when she didn’t feel like it. I was too busy thinking that she was just trying to get out of eating to really listen to her. I’m learning that listening to my children is not just hearing, but seeing and evaluating. Things aren’t always what I think they are. I need to give my children the benefit of the doubt. Proverbs calls someone who doesn’t listen a fool.

“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” Proverbs 18:13

“Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.” Proverbs 12:15

Ouch. I don’t want to be a fool. I vow to listen with my ears, my eyes and my heart.

Be Still and Know

“Be still and know that I am God”  This verse came to me through an email today at just the right time.  God is so kind to give us the encouragement we need just when we need it. 
My sweet baby girl started kindergarten.  It was easier for her than for me.  As I watched her this morning in her new classroom, I saw my little baby, not a 5 year old.  Being a stay-at-home mom, she has been with me almost all the time. Even after I went back to work and she started preschool, I was still able to spend the afternoons with her since both of us got out at noon. I’m not ready to let go. 
At the same time, my dad had to travel over 4 hours away to see a neurologist at a medical university to have tests run.  The local neurologist referred him because he has all the signs of Lou Gehrig’s disease.  He struggled for over a year with symptoms and saw several doctors before they were even able to give a probable diagnosis.  Then he had to wait 21/2 months to see this specialist.  It has been so difficult to see him succumb to this awful disease.  I wanted to go with him, but I couldn’t because it was Nathan and Sophie’s first day of school.  Even though my brother and my mom were there, I wanted to be there too. 
As I sat at work this morning I felt misplaced and almost useless.  I wanted to know how Sophie and Nathan were doing. I wished I could stay with Sophie to make sure she was ok.  To calm any fears and help her with a new task.  I wanted to be with my dad and mom.  To be there to lend moral support and to get answers to the many questions we have about Daddy’s condition and treatment options.  Instead I was sitting at my desk with so many thoughts running through my mind and so many emotions reeking havoc on my heart.  Then I saw those words, “Be still and know that I am God.” 
God reminded me that even though I can’t always take care of everyone all the time, He can.  He was at school with Sophie and Nathan.  He was in Augusta with my parents.  And He was with me in my office.  Having children (and being one) comes with many, many changes, emotional ups and downs and if we don’t trust God, many worries.  God reminded me today to rest in Him and simply trust Him.  Zephaniah 3:17 has become one of my favorite verses.  “The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over your with singing.”  How many times as a mom have I needed God to quiet my heart and mind with His love?  I’ve learned that it is more than I can count.

Remember

There is a longing that God places in the heart of most women to have children. It’s a great way to insure repopulating the earth! When a woman wants a baby, she will go to great lengths to make it happen. It can become an obsession weighing on her heart and mind all day, every day when conception takes longer than she anticipated. I have been there. I have had friends and family who have been there. There is something about the desire for a child that can consume us.

Then, after months or even years of trying, they arrive… Sometimes it’s everything we imagined. Often times it’s not. Being a mom is often much, much harder than we ever realized it would be. But the love in our hearts is also more powerful than we ever knew it could be. It’s true. You can never describe to someone who isn’t a parent what it’s like to love your child. Nor can you ever experience that kind of love until you have one of your own. It’s impossible to understand until you are holding your precious baby in your arms. Day after day, week after week, the love grows. I remember when my babies were brand new. I would think that I couldn’t love them any more than I already did. Then a week later, the love had grown even deeper. It didn’t seem possible, but somehow it was. The more I got to know them and the more we interacted with each other, the fuller my heart became.

Sometimes when my kids are driving me crazy, it helps me to think about that. How I longed for children for years before they came. What was I thinking?! Of course, I’m just kidding. I don’t know what I would ever do without them now. Sometimes I look at them and still see a sweet chubby face of a 1 year old. My, they are growing up so fast.

I know not every child is planned. Sometimes, they are a sweet or perhaps shocking surprise. Either way, every child is special, and the Bible tells us children are a Gift from God. We would do ourselves and our children well to remember that fact, even when our nerves are frazzled. Or should I say especially when our nerves are frazzled. I’ve learned through 7 years of being a mom that no matter how much my kids make we want to scream or cry (admittedly I have done both), there is nothing they could ever do to make me stop loving them. I think I’ll give my mom a call…

Drive-Thru Patience

Patience has never really been a virtue that I possessed.  I try. Really I do.  Sometimes it seems the harder I try to be patient, the more I feel like I am going to explode.  I bite my tongue a lot, and  I usually don't say things without thinking.  My attitude however is usually the tell-tale sign of my impatience. 
One day while sitting in the drive-thru line at McDonalds, I realized my impatient attitude had been observed and imitated.  "Hurry up car, move out of the way!"  These are the words I heard coming from the back seat.  At 4 years old, Nathan had learned how to be impatient.  Granted, most children are impatient all on their own.  But from the sinking feeling in my stomach, I had a feeling that he had heard those exact words come out of my mouth.  Of course I would have never said that within ear shot of the person ahead of me.  What I didn't realize was that little ears were listening in the back seat learning how to voice an impatient attitude.
There it was again.  The knowledge that everything I say and do is setting an example for my kids. Oh the pressure!  Sometimes it's only when we see them doing the same things we do, that we realize the need for change.  Thankfully patience isn't something that is completely out of reach.  Galatians 5:22 tells us that patience is one of the fruits of the spirit.  Since this is the case, we can all experience patience.  Some of us may just have to cultivate it more through prayer, studying scripture and sheer experience knowing that "the trying of our faith produces patience." James 1:3
However we learn it, patience is something we all need, especially while sitting in the McDonald's drive-thru!

God's Greatest Creation

I love the beach. The sand, the sun, the crashing waves, and the sound of seagulls all draw me back every year. Before we had children, Steve and I could lie on the beach all day long just listening to the sounds of the ocean. Of course now with 2 little ones, we have their kind of fun: jumping waves, building sand castles and collecting seashells. Thankfully, living in South Georgia, we don’t live very far from the East coast or the Florida panhandle. We pretty much have our pick of several beaches. Our quick family destination for those times when we just need to get away (you know what I mean) is Jekyll Island or St. Simon’s Island. The drive is only about 21/2 hours and we are pulling up at the beach.

Our last such retreat was my Mother’s Day request. The plan was to drive over Thursday, come back Saturday night and be back for church on Sunday. God granted us with beautiful weather and we had a much needed relaxing time. I had recently taken a 45 minute photography class at our church, and I was camera happy that weekend. I was snapping pictures like crazy! One picturesque moment that I was so happy to catch was of my 5 year old Sophie standing in the edge of the ocean looking out into the waves. I just watched her at first, this tiny little girl looking out into the vast ocean. All I could think was “what an amazing God!” 

The ocean in all its glory with its amazing power will never be fully comprehended by man. There are so many millions of creatures in its waters, many of which we will never even know exist. God made it all and “it was good.” My sweet Sophie in all her 40 pounds with fine light brown hair and twinkling blue eyes is God’s greatest creation. God made male and female and “it was very good.”

God has such a vivid imagination. If you have ever been to an aquarium or watched the discovery channel, you know what I mean. Creatures of the sea are so unique. No detail was overlooked. Even some of the deepest sea dwellers, like angler-fish, actually have lights on their heads to attract and see their prey. And though many fish are deep below the surface,out of our sight, some of the most beautiful colors brilliantly drape their bodies. God also gave just as much detail to my little girl. He gave her the sweetest little dimples and delicate little finger nails. He gave her a smile that melts our hearts and a laugh that is contagious. The most amazing thing is that out of all his creation, He loves her the most. Just think about that. God created everything and there is nothing that exists that was not created by God (Colossians 1:16). Yet, out of all of His creation, He loves you and me the most. Wow… He even went a step further and gave us His awesome world as a gift. “He has given us richly all things to enjoy.” (1 Timothy 6:17)

The next time you are at the beach or take a trip to the mountains or visit the Grand Canyon, stand in awe of its beauty and remember that God did that for you and me because He loves us the most. And don’t forget to say “Thanks God!”

Supermom?

I was three weeks into being a mom, and my head was spinning. I had the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. I know that all moms think that, but I really did have the most beautiful baby. He had beautiful olive skin, thick black hair that felt like a teddy bear’s soft fur and perfect facial features. This was the baby I had prayed for. I had wanted a baby for a long time. Although my husband and I had only been trying for 6 months to conceive, the longing for a child had been in my heart for years.

Now that he was with us, it wasn’t as I had imagined. The reflux he had caused a lot of crying (for both of us). All in all though, he was perfect. The problem was with me. After just 3 weeks of giving birth to my first child, I thought I should be doing much more than caring for my child and myself. I wanted to be supermom and superwife. I wasn’t going to be the stay-at-home mom that many people had wrongfully stereotyped. I wanted the house to be clean. I wanted supper to be ready when Steve came home. I wanted to look half-way decent by then too. Note that this is what I wanted; it was not what Steve expected of me. I didn’t understand why I could not do it all. I was so frustrated with myself.

I failed to realize looking after a newborn was a full-time job. All the other stuff would get done, eventually, and there were plenty of restaurants on Steve’s drive home to get takeout. When my sister, Charlene, stopped by one last time before leaving to go home to North Carolina, she could tell something was wrong. Because her mother-in-law was with her at the time, she didn’t say anything. Later, when I told her about my anxieties, she reminded me that my only priority right then was to take care of Nathan and myself.

See, I was trying to live up to what mothers feel like they are expected to do, EVERYTHING. I’m not sure where that pressure comes from. Whether it is society’s view of motherhood, our own mothers who did everything (and made it look easy) or our own misconceived ideas, we don’t have to try to “do it all” at the same time. It takes time for a new mom to get the hang of being a mother. After all, my baby was only 3 weeks old! I realized that as a mom, the needs of my children are my first priority. I also needed to take care of myself so that I would have the strength and energy to take care of my baby. That doesn’t mean that we aren’t supposed to tidy our homes, cook or take care of other things that need to be done. It means that when our kids need us, we let other things wait. Even if it is just sitting and rocking (and bonding) with a newborn. And we don’t stress about everything else.

Now that my kids are 5 and 7, I miss those days when they were babies wrapped up in blankets sleeping in my arms. I don’t miss the screaming and crying or the sleepless nights, but I do miss holding them and gazing into each others’ eyes. Along the way, I have learned that the only person who expects me to be supermom is me. This summer, my house has not been as clean as I would like it to be, and I am sure that Steve gets tired of having to go to the laundry room to grab a clean towel because I have not folded laundry. However, my kids are having a blast at the YMCA pool, going to see Madagascar 3 at the movies and playing games with their mom. I work at my outside job in the mornings, and after lunch, I work at trying to make sure they have a fun, memorable summer.

I know I need to lead by example on how to be responsible, do a good job and complete a task at hand. I also don't want my children to think they are the center of the universe and think that the world should revolve around them. (Although sometimes it does; especially when they are babies!) However, I DO want them to know that they are worth the extra effort, and that they and their Dad are more important to me than anything else. They probably won't remember if our house was spotless, but hopefully they will remember having fun-filled summers with their mom and a childhood where they were valued and loved.

The Main Thing

There is no greater joy and contentment in the life of a parent than when her child accepts Jesus as his or her savior. Steve and I felt this joy Sunday night as our firstborn child prayed to accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior. I was honored to be able to lead him in the prayer that would forever change his life.
Nathan had talked about getting saved for a few weeks, but he had not come to the place of actually wanting to pray about it. His heart was moved during Vacation Bible School and then again at Winshape camp for kids. Steve and I had asked and answered questions for a long time before he came to the point where he was ready to take this all important step. We never pushed because we wanted his decision to be his brought about by the stirring of the Holy Spirit. We also wanted him to be sure of what he was doing since he is still relatively young at 7 years old. We talked with our pastor at church and when we got home, he surrendered his life to Jesus. Awesome!! I’m tearing up right now just thinking about it.
This decision in Nathan’s life made me realize even more than ever that out of all the things we do for our children, pointing them to Jesus is the single most important thing we can ever do. I am so glad that I was given the blessing of being his mother. I am so honored that God chose me for this task. It is such a huge responsibility but the reward is so great. We do so much for our children and we want them to succeed in every area of life. Many times though, other activities or sheer exhaustion crowd out teaching our children about Jesus at home and/or taking them to Sunday school and church where they learn more about Him. No other activity can ever compare to them learning the Word of God and learning what Jesus did for them, and it is worth every effort. The Bible challenges us, “How will they know unless they are told?”
I am so thankful for the move of the Holy Spirit in Nathan’s heart and his willingness to obey. I am thankful for a church where our children are given so many opportunities to hear about the love of Jesus. I am thankful for a student minister who works so hard so that our kids hear over and over about God’s love. I am thankful for a pastor who is approachable even to children and who takes the time to talk (and listen) to them. Our family is blessed to have the support we do in teaching our children about God. We know they share in our joy that our son is a new creation in Christ Jesus. I know God has great plans for Nathan, (Jeremiah 29:11) and I am so excited to see his new life in Christ begin to unfold.

Love Like Family

“Be devoted to one anther in Love” Romans 12:10  Other translations read, “Love each other with family affection” (HCSB) and Love each other in a way that makes you feel close like brothers and sisters.” (Easy- to-Read Version) Our children had been at each other constantly, and I was at my wits' end. I couldn’t understand why they just couldn’t get along. Then people would tell me that it only gets worse. I didn’t see how that was possible.
Like most parents, I want my children to be close. I want them to love and respect one another. I don’t want them treating each other worse than they treat anyone else. I know that sisters and brothers often argue and disagree. I am the youngest of 5. However, I want them to learn now how important they are to one another. I want them to value each other. So I began teaching them Romans 12:9-21. These verses teach us how to get along with each other and how we are to behave in relationship to others. Verse 10, says “Be devoted to one another in love, honor one another above yourselves.” That simple verse could be the changing point of society if we would all adhere to it. One of our biggest problems in relationships and in the world is selfishness. Always thinking about what self needs and how to get it. Always letting little offenses cause anger and resentment instead of being quick to forgive, and often thinking the worst of each other with no ground to stand on. This often leads to a plethora of lies, hard feelings, and wounded hearts. I’ve seen families feud and not communicate because of misinformation and false accusations. I’ve known of families sadly torn apart over wills and inheritance because someone selfishly tried to manipulate other members to get more.
If we are devoted to one another in love, we would be more eager to care for others and less demanding that someone take care of us and give us what we want. If God thinks that “family affection” is so important and that the love between brothers and sisters is the example of how we should all love, shouldn’t families have the greatest love and affection to the members of their own family? Why then, do families fight and argue over petty things? Why do grown Christians not practice forgiveness toward family members, either by forgiving a wrong done to them or asking for forgiveness when they have wronged someone else? Why do members within their own family act selfishly and disrespectful toward each other?
We as parents have the responsibility to teach our children. This includes how families should act. Our children see our actions and hear our words. God placed our families together, whether we are blood related, adopted or married in. It’s time that families act the way God intended families to act. Let’s not expect everyone (but ourselves) to be perfect. Let’s stop being selfish and instead follow Philippians 2:4, “not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
 "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:35) Our treatment of each other says more about what we really believe than pretty much anything else.

That is what I am trying to teach my children. It all boils down to the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” God chose to make Nathan Sophie’s big brother. He is the only brother she has. He also chose for Sophie to be a little sister to Nathan. She is the only sister he has. They should honor God’s wisdom and be the best brother and sister they can be. I’ve learned that we all need to be more devoted to each other, especially to members of our own families.

Why Not?

We learn a lot by listening. Wow, what a concept! If we listen more than we talk, we can learn so much. I have learned so much by praying with my children and listening to what is in their hearts. This time was no different.
My Dad owns a cabinet shop. Cutting out doors, panels and drawers is routine for him. On more than one occasion he has nicked his finger with a saw. A couple of times, it was a little more than a nick and required a visit to the doctor’s office. This time, however, it called for a trip to the emergency room. He had cut off his thumb. There was no way to reattach it. So when we prayed with our children, Sophie always wanted to pray for PePa so his thumb would feel better. We prayed that every night for weeks.

After my dad’s thumb had basically healed, other than being a little sore, Sophie still asked God to help his thumb. This one time, however, before we began to pray, she told me that she wanted to pray for Pepa’s thumb to grow back. Before I even thought about what I was saying, I told her that Pepa’s thumb could not grow back. “Why not?” she asked. See, my sweet daughter had been taught that God could do anything…and she believed it. “Pepa’s thumb is gone honey, and if a part of your body is gone, it can’t grow back. But we can pray that God will make all the pain go away.” And so we did.
As soon as I walked out of her bedroom, conviction hit me like an anvil. Who was I to pass on my doubt and unbelief to Sophie? Aren’t we supposed to have “childlike” faith? My heart ached as I knew I had likely just placed doubt in my daughter’s heart about God’s ability and willingness to perform miracles. She didn’t even think of it as a miracle. It would just be God being God. It wasn’t that I didn’t think He could make my Dad’s thumb grow back. I knew He could do anything. I was so accustomed, though, to not expecting miracles that I automatically assumed it wasn’t even something to pray about.
I marched right back into her room and told her I was sorry for telling her not to pray the way she felt in her heart to pray. I told her that if she wanted to pray for Pepa’s thumb to grow back, then that is what she should do. I reminded her that God is certainly able to do it. Now, has his thumb grown back? No. Has my daughter been disappointed with God? No. Whether or not my Dad’s thumb grows back is up to God. Teaching my daughter to trust and believe in God is up to me. Not just by my words, mind you, but by my actions as well.

Lighten Up!

I already knew that I had a tendency to take life too seriously, but my son made it painfully clear to me the day of his 6^th birthday party. I had been busy getting together goody bags and balloons. I made sure he had the Ironman cake he wanted with coordinating plates, napkins and table cloths. All of the presents were wrapped and ready to go. Of course, I had been busy that morning. Steve conveniently had something else to do. Actually I think he had a meeting at church, and he would be home before we left for the party at the bowling alley.

I was in my bathroom fixing my hair while Sophie and Nathan were roaming around nearby. Nathan had come into the bathroom to weigh himself. He was a little underweight (picky eater that he is) and we had been encouraging him to eat better so that he could put on a few pounds. My mind was overloaded with trying to think of what I had forgotten, which was usually something important. He made a comment about his weight, and all I said was that we would keep working on it. It must have been the way I said it because he looked at me through the mirror and said, “Daddy’s fun, but you…" He tried to backtrack and say, “You’re fun too, but…" He didn’t quite know how to get his foot out of his mouth. Devastated (mostly because I knew he was right) I began to cry.

I must admit that I began to try to make him feel guilty. “Who do you think did all this for your birthday?” Who has been taking care of everything for you to have a good birthday? ME!”  That of course, did not make me feel better. He was right. I could and usually did go overboard with having to have things just right. This perfectionism had a tendency to stress me out (as well as those around me).  I could always find something that needed to be done or changed.
 I came from a hard-working family who never craved attention.  My parents and siblings were not your typical outgoing free-spirits. We were more reserved observers.  My brother Tommy and sister Charlene were the most fun-loving of the bunch, but even they married even more outgoing, outspoken spouses.  In fact, all of us did.  Growing up in my house, idleness was usually not tolerated, and there was always work to be done. Not that there is anything wrong with that. The Bible teaches us not to be idle but to work hard and do everything as unto the Lord.  However, I never really learned how to let go and just have fun. I also nurtured a fear of what people would think of me if I let loose and acted silly. Karaoke? Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t even take chorus in high school because I had heard that you had to sing a solo in front of the class as part of your quarterly exams. I wouldn’t try out for cheerleading because the other kids (boys) could watch you try out. I didn’t really like being that way, but I didn’t have the guts to change.

So, now to my son, I was boring and uptight. Not his exact words, but mine. Even Steve has asked me on occasion to lighten up, but when the words that I wasn’t fun came from my 6 year old, it hit home. I realized my kids don’t need everything to be perfect. They need me to laugh with them. They need me to act goofy sometimes. They need to see me smile, a lot. Nathan actually has the predisposition to take things very seriously too. He doesn’t quite even know how to take a joke yet. I see that part of myself in him more than I would like. I realize that I not only need to teach him to be responsible but to enjoy life. The Bible has something to say about this too. “A merry heart does well like a medicine.” “A happy heart makes the face smile.”

So now I have to make a conscious effort to let some things go and learn how to let loose a little. It isn’t easy to undo years of being this way, but I don’t want to be uptight and rigid. I don’t want my kids to be either.

Do I Thank God for the “Little” Things?

Thank you God for my family, my church, my bed….. Bed? How sweet and how convicting was that one innocent phrase out of the abundance of my 3 year old daughter’s heart. Sophie hadn’t been saying her prayers on her own for very long. She had heard me many times kneeling by her bed thanking God for all the big things: Daddy, Nathan, Sophie, Ganny and Pepa, Mema and Big Daddy, our church, Daddy’s job and so on. This came completely out of her little heart. She was thankful for her bed. My heart was so touched. Without even realizing it, she got it. She knew that every good gift came from God. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17 (NIV). Did I realize that? How much did I take for granted, not giving a second thought to the everyday comforts of life?

After kissing her good night, I left her room and went to ponder this simple prayer. I’d never even thought about thanking God for my bed. I’d not stopped to think about all the people who sleep on dirt floors or splintered wooden floors or the homeless who sleep on concrete…until then. Sophie didn’t think about that either. She just knew she had a bed to sleep in with pretty, flowery sheets and a warm quilt. How many other seemingly small things did I take for granted?

It reminded me of when our son was 3 and had just started preschool 3 mornings a week. He was so excited to have his own backpack. Every night when he prayed, he would thank God for his backpack and his folder. His folder was just a simple blue folder with his name on it that his teachers sent notes home in. To him, it was something worth thanking God for. Steve and I thought it was funny and cute. Looking back, it was more than that. It was the innocent overflow of a grateful heart. Now at 7, he finds it uncomfortable to pray in front of us. He seems to have difficulty thinking of what to say. When I tell him to just tell God what he is thankful for, he remains quiet. I tell myself that it is just a stage on shyness, which Nathan has never been. Is he still thankful for little things or does the comfort and accumulating toys give him a sense of entitlement? Not that we lavish “things” on our kids, we don’t. But birthdays and Christmas and times in between are met with generous grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends.

So the question for me is, am I setting a good example of being thankful? Is the only time I really talk about thankfulness at Thanksgiving? Do I thank God for our clothes or fuss about the never ending laundry? Do I express verbal thankfulness for our home or do my children hear me gripe about always having to clean up? When the light comes on in the van to get gas again, do I let out a big sigh or thank God for a way to go? What about having to cook? Am I really thankful for the food and togetherness at mealtime or is it just a worn down, half-hearted blessing that we have to get through before we can eat?

Beyond that, what about sunsets and sunrises, warm sunny weather and cool autumn evenings? What about friends to laugh with and talk to? What about ice cream or hot chocolate or the ability to take a stroll through our neighborhood? What about cell phones and computers? The list goes on and on. There are so many big and little things to thank God for; we could do it with every breath we breathe.

Yes, these simple little prayers from my children have taught me to look at each good gift as a gift from God, because that is indeed what it is. To take it a step further, I don’t need to just be thankful in my heart. “Be thankful and say so to Him, bless and affectionately praise His name!” Psalm 100:4 (Amplified). I need to express thanksgiving aloud so that my now older and sometimes ungrateful children can hear and follow suit. So I can be like Paul when he said, “Pattern yourselves after me [follow my example], as I imitate and follow Christ (the Messiah).” 1 Corinthians 11:1 (Amplified).

Why In the World Did I Start Blogging?

I recently came home from what should have been an encouraging ladies’ event at my church. We had dear ladies from our church teaching 45 minute classes on skills that women use at home, some of which were sewing, cooking, having a peaceful and orderly home, photography and a few more. The women teaching these classes were experts at their skills. Instead of being encouraged, though, I and my ever over-analyzing brain, took home the thought “I don’t know how to do anything.” I didn’t even take in to account that these women had practiced, taken classes themselves, or had many years of experience. My confidence had been shattered. I was probably the world’s worst at comparing myself to other women. It wasn’t about looks (anymore) or material possessions; it was about talents and abilities.

When I got home, my husband, Steve, knew something was wrong. He couldn’t understand why I was feeling that way. He said, “Just figure out something you want to do and start practicing and working at it. It doesn’t just happen overnight.” Pretty simple and straight to the point, but not the answer I wanted to hear. I wanted him to give me a long list of things I was good at. I knew he was right, but my mind kept telling me that I had no natural ability to be good at anything, even the things I felt God was leading me to do. Where was all this coming from? It didn’t take me long to figure that one out. At least I had the capacity to see that these were lies from my worst enemy and it wasn’t me. It was Satan. So now what? I did the one thing that I have learned I should do first. I went to God. I told the kids they could watch TV for a few minutes and went to my room to cry out to God. After about 5 minutes of praying, I got out my Bible and a devotion book, “Embracing Your Strengths,” I had bought nearly three years ago at a Women of Faith conference. I had never even started it. I began searching for answers in the one place that has them all, God’s Word. With my 5 year old daughter in my lap (she was concerned because she saw me crying) I searched the scriptures and found the peace I needed.

However, the thought still didn’t completely leave me that there was something else I wanted to do. Over the next few days, I began thinking about what skills or talents I could hone in on. I could draw pretty well, but I had not completed anything since high school, over 18 years ago. I hadn’t even tried to draw in over 15. Then one day after reading my pastor’s blog, I thought, why not write? Not that this idea was completely out of the blue; I have thought about it off and on for a long time. Nor did I think writing well was easy, but it was something I enjoyed doing.  My dream would be to one day write a Bible study. However, I had always just brushed off the idea and went on with my everyday life. I had done well with writing stories and essays in school, so why not give it a shot?

So, this blog was birthed.

If there are any subjects that I always have something to write about, it’s my awesome God and my two precious children, Nathan and Sophie. He uses them every day to get through to me. I have never needed His guidance and wisdom more than I do since I became a mother. I never knew I could make so many mistakes and need His forgiveness and mercy so much until I became a mother. I never knew that a child could teach me so much about myself and my God. I never felt so inadequate or as humbled as I have been since I became a mother. I have also never felt so loved or needed as I am now that I am a mommy. So, even if this is never read by anyone but me, at least I will be able to remember the journey of learning from my little ones.