Lighten Up!

I already knew that I had a tendency to take life too seriously, but my son made it painfully clear to me the day of his 6^th birthday party. I had been busy getting together goody bags and balloons. I made sure he had the Ironman cake he wanted with coordinating plates, napkins and table cloths. All of the presents were wrapped and ready to go. Of course, I had been busy that morning. Steve conveniently had something else to do. Actually I think he had a meeting at church, and he would be home before we left for the party at the bowling alley.

I was in my bathroom fixing my hair while Sophie and Nathan were roaming around nearby. Nathan had come into the bathroom to weigh himself. He was a little underweight (picky eater that he is) and we had been encouraging him to eat better so that he could put on a few pounds. My mind was overloaded with trying to think of what I had forgotten, which was usually something important. He made a comment about his weight, and all I said was that we would keep working on it. It must have been the way I said it because he looked at me through the mirror and said, “Daddy’s fun, but you…" He tried to backtrack and say, “You’re fun too, but…" He didn’t quite know how to get his foot out of his mouth. Devastated (mostly because I knew he was right) I began to cry.

I must admit that I began to try to make him feel guilty. “Who do you think did all this for your birthday?” Who has been taking care of everything for you to have a good birthday? ME!”  That of course, did not make me feel better. He was right. I could and usually did go overboard with having to have things just right. This perfectionism had a tendency to stress me out (as well as those around me).  I could always find something that needed to be done or changed.
 I came from a hard-working family who never craved attention.  My parents and siblings were not your typical outgoing free-spirits. We were more reserved observers.  My brother Tommy and sister Charlene were the most fun-loving of the bunch, but even they married even more outgoing, outspoken spouses.  In fact, all of us did.  Growing up in my house, idleness was usually not tolerated, and there was always work to be done. Not that there is anything wrong with that. The Bible teaches us not to be idle but to work hard and do everything as unto the Lord.  However, I never really learned how to let go and just have fun. I also nurtured a fear of what people would think of me if I let loose and acted silly. Karaoke? Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t even take chorus in high school because I had heard that you had to sing a solo in front of the class as part of your quarterly exams. I wouldn’t try out for cheerleading because the other kids (boys) could watch you try out. I didn’t really like being that way, but I didn’t have the guts to change.

So, now to my son, I was boring and uptight. Not his exact words, but mine. Even Steve has asked me on occasion to lighten up, but when the words that I wasn’t fun came from my 6 year old, it hit home. I realized my kids don’t need everything to be perfect. They need me to laugh with them. They need me to act goofy sometimes. They need to see me smile, a lot. Nathan actually has the predisposition to take things very seriously too. He doesn’t quite even know how to take a joke yet. I see that part of myself in him more than I would like. I realize that I not only need to teach him to be responsible but to enjoy life. The Bible has something to say about this too. “A merry heart does well like a medicine.” “A happy heart makes the face smile.”

So now I have to make a conscious effort to let some things go and learn how to let loose a little. It isn’t easy to undo years of being this way, but I don’t want to be uptight and rigid. I don’t want my kids to be either.