My sweet baby girl started kindergarten. It was easier for her than for me. As I watched her this morning in her new classroom, I saw my little baby, not a 5 year old. Being a stay-at-home mom, she has been with me almost all the time. Even after I went back to work and she started preschool, I was still able to spend the afternoons with her since both of us got out at noon. I’m not ready to let go.
At the same time, my dad had to travel over 4 hours away to see a neurologist at a medical university to have tests run. The local neurologist referred him because he has all the signs of Lou Gehrig’s disease. He struggled for over a year with symptoms and saw several doctors before they were even able to give a probable diagnosis. Then he had to wait 21/2 months to see this specialist. It has been so difficult to see him succumb to this awful disease. I wanted to go with him, but I couldn’t because it was Nathan and Sophie’s first day of school. Even though my brother and my mom were there, I wanted to be there too.
As I sat at work this morning I felt misplaced and almost useless. I wanted to know how Sophie and Nathan were doing. I wished I could stay with Sophie to make sure she was ok. To calm any fears and help her with a new task. I wanted to be with my dad and mom. To be there to lend moral support and to get answers to the many questions we have about Daddy’s condition and treatment options. Instead I was sitting at my desk with so many thoughts running through my mind and so many emotions reeking havoc on my heart. Then I saw those words, “Be still and know that I am God.”
God reminded me that even though I can’t always take care of everyone all the time, He can. He was at school with Sophie and Nathan. He was in Augusta with my parents. And He was with me in my office. Having children (and being one) comes with many, many changes, emotional ups and downs and if we don’t trust God, many worries. God reminded me today to rest in Him and simply trust Him. Zephaniah 3:17 has become one of my favorite verses. “The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over your with singing.” How many times as a mom have I needed God to quiet my heart and mind with His love? I’ve learned that it is more than I can count.
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