Drive-Thru Patience

Patience has never really been a virtue that I possessed.  I try. Really I do.  Sometimes it seems the harder I try to be patient, the more I feel like I am going to explode.  I bite my tongue a lot, and  I usually don't say things without thinking.  My attitude however is usually the tell-tale sign of my impatience. 
One day while sitting in the drive-thru line at McDonalds, I realized my impatient attitude had been observed and imitated.  "Hurry up car, move out of the way!"  These are the words I heard coming from the back seat.  At 4 years old, Nathan had learned how to be impatient.  Granted, most children are impatient all on their own.  But from the sinking feeling in my stomach, I had a feeling that he had heard those exact words come out of my mouth.  Of course I would have never said that within ear shot of the person ahead of me.  What I didn't realize was that little ears were listening in the back seat learning how to voice an impatient attitude.
There it was again.  The knowledge that everything I say and do is setting an example for my kids. Oh the pressure!  Sometimes it's only when we see them doing the same things we do, that we realize the need for change.  Thankfully patience isn't something that is completely out of reach.  Galatians 5:22 tells us that patience is one of the fruits of the spirit.  Since this is the case, we can all experience patience.  Some of us may just have to cultivate it more through prayer, studying scripture and sheer experience knowing that "the trying of our faith produces patience." James 1:3
However we learn it, patience is something we all need, especially while sitting in the McDonald's drive-thru!

God's Greatest Creation

I love the beach. The sand, the sun, the crashing waves, and the sound of seagulls all draw me back every year. Before we had children, Steve and I could lie on the beach all day long just listening to the sounds of the ocean. Of course now with 2 little ones, we have their kind of fun: jumping waves, building sand castles and collecting seashells. Thankfully, living in South Georgia, we don’t live very far from the East coast or the Florida panhandle. We pretty much have our pick of several beaches. Our quick family destination for those times when we just need to get away (you know what I mean) is Jekyll Island or St. Simon’s Island. The drive is only about 21/2 hours and we are pulling up at the beach.

Our last such retreat was my Mother’s Day request. The plan was to drive over Thursday, come back Saturday night and be back for church on Sunday. God granted us with beautiful weather and we had a much needed relaxing time. I had recently taken a 45 minute photography class at our church, and I was camera happy that weekend. I was snapping pictures like crazy! One picturesque moment that I was so happy to catch was of my 5 year old Sophie standing in the edge of the ocean looking out into the waves. I just watched her at first, this tiny little girl looking out into the vast ocean. All I could think was “what an amazing God!” 

The ocean in all its glory with its amazing power will never be fully comprehended by man. There are so many millions of creatures in its waters, many of which we will never even know exist. God made it all and “it was good.” My sweet Sophie in all her 40 pounds with fine light brown hair and twinkling blue eyes is God’s greatest creation. God made male and female and “it was very good.”

God has such a vivid imagination. If you have ever been to an aquarium or watched the discovery channel, you know what I mean. Creatures of the sea are so unique. No detail was overlooked. Even some of the deepest sea dwellers, like angler-fish, actually have lights on their heads to attract and see their prey. And though many fish are deep below the surface,out of our sight, some of the most beautiful colors brilliantly drape their bodies. God also gave just as much detail to my little girl. He gave her the sweetest little dimples and delicate little finger nails. He gave her a smile that melts our hearts and a laugh that is contagious. The most amazing thing is that out of all his creation, He loves her the most. Just think about that. God created everything and there is nothing that exists that was not created by God (Colossians 1:16). Yet, out of all of His creation, He loves you and me the most. Wow… He even went a step further and gave us His awesome world as a gift. “He has given us richly all things to enjoy.” (1 Timothy 6:17)

The next time you are at the beach or take a trip to the mountains or visit the Grand Canyon, stand in awe of its beauty and remember that God did that for you and me because He loves us the most. And don’t forget to say “Thanks God!”

Supermom?

I was three weeks into being a mom, and my head was spinning. I had the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. I know that all moms think that, but I really did have the most beautiful baby. He had beautiful olive skin, thick black hair that felt like a teddy bear’s soft fur and perfect facial features. This was the baby I had prayed for. I had wanted a baby for a long time. Although my husband and I had only been trying for 6 months to conceive, the longing for a child had been in my heart for years.

Now that he was with us, it wasn’t as I had imagined. The reflux he had caused a lot of crying (for both of us). All in all though, he was perfect. The problem was with me. After just 3 weeks of giving birth to my first child, I thought I should be doing much more than caring for my child and myself. I wanted to be supermom and superwife. I wasn’t going to be the stay-at-home mom that many people had wrongfully stereotyped. I wanted the house to be clean. I wanted supper to be ready when Steve came home. I wanted to look half-way decent by then too. Note that this is what I wanted; it was not what Steve expected of me. I didn’t understand why I could not do it all. I was so frustrated with myself.

I failed to realize looking after a newborn was a full-time job. All the other stuff would get done, eventually, and there were plenty of restaurants on Steve’s drive home to get takeout. When my sister, Charlene, stopped by one last time before leaving to go home to North Carolina, she could tell something was wrong. Because her mother-in-law was with her at the time, she didn’t say anything. Later, when I told her about my anxieties, she reminded me that my only priority right then was to take care of Nathan and myself.

See, I was trying to live up to what mothers feel like they are expected to do, EVERYTHING. I’m not sure where that pressure comes from. Whether it is society’s view of motherhood, our own mothers who did everything (and made it look easy) or our own misconceived ideas, we don’t have to try to “do it all” at the same time. It takes time for a new mom to get the hang of being a mother. After all, my baby was only 3 weeks old! I realized that as a mom, the needs of my children are my first priority. I also needed to take care of myself so that I would have the strength and energy to take care of my baby. That doesn’t mean that we aren’t supposed to tidy our homes, cook or take care of other things that need to be done. It means that when our kids need us, we let other things wait. Even if it is just sitting and rocking (and bonding) with a newborn. And we don’t stress about everything else.

Now that my kids are 5 and 7, I miss those days when they were babies wrapped up in blankets sleeping in my arms. I don’t miss the screaming and crying or the sleepless nights, but I do miss holding them and gazing into each others’ eyes. Along the way, I have learned that the only person who expects me to be supermom is me. This summer, my house has not been as clean as I would like it to be, and I am sure that Steve gets tired of having to go to the laundry room to grab a clean towel because I have not folded laundry. However, my kids are having a blast at the YMCA pool, going to see Madagascar 3 at the movies and playing games with their mom. I work at my outside job in the mornings, and after lunch, I work at trying to make sure they have a fun, memorable summer.

I know I need to lead by example on how to be responsible, do a good job and complete a task at hand. I also don't want my children to think they are the center of the universe and think that the world should revolve around them. (Although sometimes it does; especially when they are babies!) However, I DO want them to know that they are worth the extra effort, and that they and their Dad are more important to me than anything else. They probably won't remember if our house was spotless, but hopefully they will remember having fun-filled summers with their mom and a childhood where they were valued and loved.

The Main Thing

There is no greater joy and contentment in the life of a parent than when her child accepts Jesus as his or her savior. Steve and I felt this joy Sunday night as our firstborn child prayed to accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior. I was honored to be able to lead him in the prayer that would forever change his life.
Nathan had talked about getting saved for a few weeks, but he had not come to the place of actually wanting to pray about it. His heart was moved during Vacation Bible School and then again at Winshape camp for kids. Steve and I had asked and answered questions for a long time before he came to the point where he was ready to take this all important step. We never pushed because we wanted his decision to be his brought about by the stirring of the Holy Spirit. We also wanted him to be sure of what he was doing since he is still relatively young at 7 years old. We talked with our pastor at church and when we got home, he surrendered his life to Jesus. Awesome!! I’m tearing up right now just thinking about it.
This decision in Nathan’s life made me realize even more than ever that out of all the things we do for our children, pointing them to Jesus is the single most important thing we can ever do. I am so glad that I was given the blessing of being his mother. I am so honored that God chose me for this task. It is such a huge responsibility but the reward is so great. We do so much for our children and we want them to succeed in every area of life. Many times though, other activities or sheer exhaustion crowd out teaching our children about Jesus at home and/or taking them to Sunday school and church where they learn more about Him. No other activity can ever compare to them learning the Word of God and learning what Jesus did for them, and it is worth every effort. The Bible challenges us, “How will they know unless they are told?”
I am so thankful for the move of the Holy Spirit in Nathan’s heart and his willingness to obey. I am thankful for a church where our children are given so many opportunities to hear about the love of Jesus. I am thankful for a student minister who works so hard so that our kids hear over and over about God’s love. I am thankful for a pastor who is approachable even to children and who takes the time to talk (and listen) to them. Our family is blessed to have the support we do in teaching our children about God. We know they share in our joy that our son is a new creation in Christ Jesus. I know God has great plans for Nathan, (Jeremiah 29:11) and I am so excited to see his new life in Christ begin to unfold.

Love Like Family

“Be devoted to one anther in Love” Romans 12:10  Other translations read, “Love each other with family affection” (HCSB) and Love each other in a way that makes you feel close like brothers and sisters.” (Easy- to-Read Version) Our children had been at each other constantly, and I was at my wits' end. I couldn’t understand why they just couldn’t get along. Then people would tell me that it only gets worse. I didn’t see how that was possible.
Like most parents, I want my children to be close. I want them to love and respect one another. I don’t want them treating each other worse than they treat anyone else. I know that sisters and brothers often argue and disagree. I am the youngest of 5. However, I want them to learn now how important they are to one another. I want them to value each other. So I began teaching them Romans 12:9-21. These verses teach us how to get along with each other and how we are to behave in relationship to others. Verse 10, says “Be devoted to one another in love, honor one another above yourselves.” That simple verse could be the changing point of society if we would all adhere to it. One of our biggest problems in relationships and in the world is selfishness. Always thinking about what self needs and how to get it. Always letting little offenses cause anger and resentment instead of being quick to forgive, and often thinking the worst of each other with no ground to stand on. This often leads to a plethora of lies, hard feelings, and wounded hearts. I’ve seen families feud and not communicate because of misinformation and false accusations. I’ve known of families sadly torn apart over wills and inheritance because someone selfishly tried to manipulate other members to get more.
If we are devoted to one another in love, we would be more eager to care for others and less demanding that someone take care of us and give us what we want. If God thinks that “family affection” is so important and that the love between brothers and sisters is the example of how we should all love, shouldn’t families have the greatest love and affection to the members of their own family? Why then, do families fight and argue over petty things? Why do grown Christians not practice forgiveness toward family members, either by forgiving a wrong done to them or asking for forgiveness when they have wronged someone else? Why do members within their own family act selfishly and disrespectful toward each other?
We as parents have the responsibility to teach our children. This includes how families should act. Our children see our actions and hear our words. God placed our families together, whether we are blood related, adopted or married in. It’s time that families act the way God intended families to act. Let’s not expect everyone (but ourselves) to be perfect. Let’s stop being selfish and instead follow Philippians 2:4, “not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
 "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:35) Our treatment of each other says more about what we really believe than pretty much anything else.

That is what I am trying to teach my children. It all boils down to the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” God chose to make Nathan Sophie’s big brother. He is the only brother she has. He also chose for Sophie to be a little sister to Nathan. She is the only sister he has. They should honor God’s wisdom and be the best brother and sister they can be. I’ve learned that we all need to be more devoted to each other, especially to members of our own families.

Why Not?

We learn a lot by listening. Wow, what a concept! If we listen more than we talk, we can learn so much. I have learned so much by praying with my children and listening to what is in their hearts. This time was no different.
My Dad owns a cabinet shop. Cutting out doors, panels and drawers is routine for him. On more than one occasion he has nicked his finger with a saw. A couple of times, it was a little more than a nick and required a visit to the doctor’s office. This time, however, it called for a trip to the emergency room. He had cut off his thumb. There was no way to reattach it. So when we prayed with our children, Sophie always wanted to pray for PePa so his thumb would feel better. We prayed that every night for weeks.

After my dad’s thumb had basically healed, other than being a little sore, Sophie still asked God to help his thumb. This one time, however, before we began to pray, she told me that she wanted to pray for Pepa’s thumb to grow back. Before I even thought about what I was saying, I told her that Pepa’s thumb could not grow back. “Why not?” she asked. See, my sweet daughter had been taught that God could do anything…and she believed it. “Pepa’s thumb is gone honey, and if a part of your body is gone, it can’t grow back. But we can pray that God will make all the pain go away.” And so we did.
As soon as I walked out of her bedroom, conviction hit me like an anvil. Who was I to pass on my doubt and unbelief to Sophie? Aren’t we supposed to have “childlike” faith? My heart ached as I knew I had likely just placed doubt in my daughter’s heart about God’s ability and willingness to perform miracles. She didn’t even think of it as a miracle. It would just be God being God. It wasn’t that I didn’t think He could make my Dad’s thumb grow back. I knew He could do anything. I was so accustomed, though, to not expecting miracles that I automatically assumed it wasn’t even something to pray about.
I marched right back into her room and told her I was sorry for telling her not to pray the way she felt in her heart to pray. I told her that if she wanted to pray for Pepa’s thumb to grow back, then that is what she should do. I reminded her that God is certainly able to do it. Now, has his thumb grown back? No. Has my daughter been disappointed with God? No. Whether or not my Dad’s thumb grows back is up to God. Teaching my daughter to trust and believe in God is up to me. Not just by my words, mind you, but by my actions as well.

Lighten Up!

I already knew that I had a tendency to take life too seriously, but my son made it painfully clear to me the day of his 6^th birthday party. I had been busy getting together goody bags and balloons. I made sure he had the Ironman cake he wanted with coordinating plates, napkins and table cloths. All of the presents were wrapped and ready to go. Of course, I had been busy that morning. Steve conveniently had something else to do. Actually I think he had a meeting at church, and he would be home before we left for the party at the bowling alley.

I was in my bathroom fixing my hair while Sophie and Nathan were roaming around nearby. Nathan had come into the bathroom to weigh himself. He was a little underweight (picky eater that he is) and we had been encouraging him to eat better so that he could put on a few pounds. My mind was overloaded with trying to think of what I had forgotten, which was usually something important. He made a comment about his weight, and all I said was that we would keep working on it. It must have been the way I said it because he looked at me through the mirror and said, “Daddy’s fun, but you…" He tried to backtrack and say, “You’re fun too, but…" He didn’t quite know how to get his foot out of his mouth. Devastated (mostly because I knew he was right) I began to cry.

I must admit that I began to try to make him feel guilty. “Who do you think did all this for your birthday?” Who has been taking care of everything for you to have a good birthday? ME!”  That of course, did not make me feel better. He was right. I could and usually did go overboard with having to have things just right. This perfectionism had a tendency to stress me out (as well as those around me).  I could always find something that needed to be done or changed.
 I came from a hard-working family who never craved attention.  My parents and siblings were not your typical outgoing free-spirits. We were more reserved observers.  My brother Tommy and sister Charlene were the most fun-loving of the bunch, but even they married even more outgoing, outspoken spouses.  In fact, all of us did.  Growing up in my house, idleness was usually not tolerated, and there was always work to be done. Not that there is anything wrong with that. The Bible teaches us not to be idle but to work hard and do everything as unto the Lord.  However, I never really learned how to let go and just have fun. I also nurtured a fear of what people would think of me if I let loose and acted silly. Karaoke? Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t even take chorus in high school because I had heard that you had to sing a solo in front of the class as part of your quarterly exams. I wouldn’t try out for cheerleading because the other kids (boys) could watch you try out. I didn’t really like being that way, but I didn’t have the guts to change.

So, now to my son, I was boring and uptight. Not his exact words, but mine. Even Steve has asked me on occasion to lighten up, but when the words that I wasn’t fun came from my 6 year old, it hit home. I realized my kids don’t need everything to be perfect. They need me to laugh with them. They need me to act goofy sometimes. They need to see me smile, a lot. Nathan actually has the predisposition to take things very seriously too. He doesn’t quite even know how to take a joke yet. I see that part of myself in him more than I would like. I realize that I not only need to teach him to be responsible but to enjoy life. The Bible has something to say about this too. “A merry heart does well like a medicine.” “A happy heart makes the face smile.”

So now I have to make a conscious effort to let some things go and learn how to let loose a little. It isn’t easy to undo years of being this way, but I don’t want to be uptight and rigid. I don’t want my kids to be either.