Grace, Grace and More Grace

This morning was a tough morning. I lost it with my precious daughter. I got angry because she had lost something…again. We were already pushed for time for school and we couldn’t find her watch. Today was Neon Day at school and her bright pink watch would have been a perfect accessory (and of course I had this idea at the last minute). It was nowhere to be found.

Sophie is a free spirit and often misplaces her things. She will put them in purses, backpacks, under a pillow or her bed, any place except for where they are supposed to go. I lost it. I fussed at her about a silly little watch. It wasn’t so much the watch as the fact that we are constantly looking for something she has lost.

However this was no excuse for losing it with her and making her feel 2 inches tall. I hated myself this morning. As I walked into the bathroom and saw her crying but at the same time trying to hold it back, my heart sank. Why did I do that? Why did I go off on her like that? I held her while she sobbed and told her I was sorry. My ranting had hurt her deeply. I asked her to forgive me and she kissed me on the cheek. She showed me more grace than I had shown her.

She is such a sweetheart that when I bought that half-priced pink watch, she gave her green one to a boy at school that wanted one. She is so thoughtful. She is always thinking of me. Everyday she brings me something from school that she has made for me. At church, everything she colors or makes is for me. If she makes something for her daddy, it’s for Daddy…and Mommy. She loves me so much. Why had I broken her heart over a $5.00 watch?

You can imagine that on the way to work, I beat myself up mercilessly. “I’m a terrible mom.” I kept saying to myself. Then when I got to work, the email devotion I received this morning from “Girlfriends in God” was about this very same thing. In fact, the first line from the author read, “I’m a terrible mom!” Tears streamed down my face. This woman that God uses to touch the lives of thousands of women was telling about her "crazy person" moment when she too had lost her cool with her child. Once again, God was gracious to me. He gave me the exact encouragement I needed exactly when I needed it. He was not the one condemning me. He wanted to help me.

I don’t have to believe the lies of Satan. I really messed up this morning. I sinned against my baby girl with uncontrolled anger. But that doesn’t mean I am a terrible mom and that I will always do stuff like this. God is changing me from glory to glory.(2 Corinthians 3:18) 

My meditation verse for now is Psalm 19:14, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Obviously, I’m not there yet. I’m learning it’s a process, and I know that I can’t do it without the help of the Holy Spirit.

So fill me Holy Spirit and help me to keep my mouth shut until my emotions are calm and controlled. Amen

Sophie and I at the Cabbage Patch Hospital in Cleveland, GA

(Actual event occurred Friday, October 26^th, and by the way, I found the watch while cleaning out the van a week later. It was under her seat.)