Grace, Grace and More Grace

This morning was a tough morning. I lost it with my precious daughter. I got angry because she had lost something…again. We were already pushed for time for school and we couldn’t find her watch. Today was Neon Day at school and her bright pink watch would have been a perfect accessory (and of course I had this idea at the last minute). It was nowhere to be found.

Sophie is a free spirit and often misplaces her things. She will put them in purses, backpacks, under a pillow or her bed, any place except for where they are supposed to go. I lost it. I fussed at her about a silly little watch. It wasn’t so much the watch as the fact that we are constantly looking for something she has lost.

However this was no excuse for losing it with her and making her feel 2 inches tall. I hated myself this morning. As I walked into the bathroom and saw her crying but at the same time trying to hold it back, my heart sank. Why did I do that? Why did I go off on her like that? I held her while she sobbed and told her I was sorry. My ranting had hurt her deeply. I asked her to forgive me and she kissed me on the cheek. She showed me more grace than I had shown her.

She is such a sweetheart that when I bought that half-priced pink watch, she gave her green one to a boy at school that wanted one. She is so thoughtful. She is always thinking of me. Everyday she brings me something from school that she has made for me. At church, everything she colors or makes is for me. If she makes something for her daddy, it’s for Daddy…and Mommy. She loves me so much. Why had I broken her heart over a $5.00 watch?

You can imagine that on the way to work, I beat myself up mercilessly. “I’m a terrible mom.” I kept saying to myself. Then when I got to work, the email devotion I received this morning from “Girlfriends in God” was about this very same thing. In fact, the first line from the author read, “I’m a terrible mom!” Tears streamed down my face. This woman that God uses to touch the lives of thousands of women was telling about her "crazy person" moment when she too had lost her cool with her child. Once again, God was gracious to me. He gave me the exact encouragement I needed exactly when I needed it. He was not the one condemning me. He wanted to help me.

I don’t have to believe the lies of Satan. I really messed up this morning. I sinned against my baby girl with uncontrolled anger. But that doesn’t mean I am a terrible mom and that I will always do stuff like this. God is changing me from glory to glory.(2 Corinthians 3:18) 

My meditation verse for now is Psalm 19:14, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Obviously, I’m not there yet. I’m learning it’s a process, and I know that I can’t do it without the help of the Holy Spirit.

So fill me Holy Spirit and help me to keep my mouth shut until my emotions are calm and controlled. Amen

Sophie and I at the Cabbage Patch Hospital in Cleveland, GA

(Actual event occurred Friday, October 26^th, and by the way, I found the watch while cleaning out the van a week later. It was under her seat.)

Trust and Obey

“Don’t look at me like that when I tell you to do something.” Lately, every time I tell Nathan to do something that he doesn’t want to do, he gives me a look. If you are a parent, you probably know what I am talking about, that combined look of disappointment, frustration and a touch of anger. He also gives the same look when I correct him about something. Usually, it concerns him being nice to Sophie.

I allowed the look for a little while. I don’t want my children to think that I want to completely control their lives. I also don’t want them to stuff or bury emotions or tell them how they should feel. However, I do want to train them to live by the Word of God, which says we should do everything without complaining or arguing (Philippians 2:14). Apparently, Nathan has learned not to do either of those verbally, so he gives me “the look”.

I do insist on Nathan and Sophie being respectful, and this look was beginning to become disrespectful. Most of the time, it comes when he forgets (or gets side-tracked) and doesn’t do something I have already told him to do. He doesn’t like having to stop what he wants to do and do what I have told him to do. So I had a talk with Nathan about his new facial expressions. I told him that I never ask too much of him or tell him to do something that he is not able to do. I felt like the look he was giving me showed disrespect, and I wanted him to stop. He straightened out his face, and sighed, “Okay”.

It got me thinking. I wonder if God feels disrespected and dishonored when I get side-tracked instead of obeying him immediately. Does he feel disrespected when I obey but do it with far less than a happy heart? Through Nathan (and one of our recent Sunday school lessons), I am beginning to see this as a possible lack of respect for authority and/or perhaps a lack of trust. Nathan needs to show more respect for my authority as his parent by trusting that I know more than he does and am giving him instruction because he needs it. Am I showing a lack of respect for God’s authority as my Heavenly Father, God of gods and Lord of lords when I don’t obey him immediately with the right attitude? Do I trust that He has my best interest at heart? If I know His word, His character and His heart, I won’t have a difficult time trusting him or giving him the utmost respect He deserves. "Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey."

This was written about 3 months ago. I’m happy to report that I have not received any dirty looks since then (at least not to my face).

Christmas Peace

I just love Christmas! Sitting here listening to Christmas music just makes me giddy. I have vowed this year not to stress out about Christmas. Easier said than done, right? Maybe not. I am going to choose not to need everything perfect.

I already have all the Christmas decorations out. I tell myself I am done, and I hope I stick to that. Our kids have been so excited ever since we started talking about decorating for Christmas. They have been bouncing off the walls! They love everything about Christmas, not just the presents. In fact, they have not asked for much at all. They are just happy, happy, happy. Yesterday afternoon I decided to take pictures for our Christmas cards. I have to admit there have been a couple of years that I stressed out because I couldn’t get them to smile like I wanted them to or stay where I put them. Oh how silly that sounds to me now to expect two small, energetic children (or a puppy) to pose exactly the way I had it pictured in my mind.

This year the picture taking started out almost the same way. We had to get the pictures done before the sun went down too much to have enough light. Sophie especially, was being very silly and giggly. I was getting irritated again because I didn’t think she was cooperating. Then it dawned on me, this IS the way they are. If I want people who haven’t seen my kids lately to know them better, why not capture them the way they are? Silly and genuinely happy, not forced. So that’s what we did. See the pictures for yourself.

I’m taking a hint from Nathan and Sophie this year. I want to enjoy Christmas for Christmas. Admittedly, I have had to catch myself when I started to stress about lights or ornaments this year; I don’t want to stress about schedules and decorations, gifts and get-togethers…or pictures. I have decided to focus on Jesus, family and friends, giving to others and just enjoying the season that will be gone in a few weeks. Thanks to a lesson from my children and a 5 Day Christmas Challenge from Karen Ehman (Proverbs 31 Ministries), this Christmas, I don’t have to be in control of everything! And it actually feels pretty good.

Merry Peace and Joy filled Christmas!

I Want to Leave a Legacy

Today's post is not necessarily about what I have learned through my children, but rather what I want them to learn through me.   Today I spent most of the day at my parents' home enjoying their company and eating a wonderful Thanksgiving feast. It was so nice to have most of our family together laughing and enjoying the beautiful day. The only ones missing were my sister Charlene and her family.    
My aunt Bertha and Uncle Jimmie were there as well.  My aunt has had some very difficult health issues.  Issues that have taken their toll on her body and her abilities.  Even through her difficulties, she is still encouraging to others.  She still talks about Jesus like he is her best friend, because he is.  She speaks with a weaker voice, but her faith is still just as strong as ever.  She talks about God with the love and adoration of an admiring daughter, and her trust in Him has not wavered.  She still has that contagious joy and that sweet spirit that has always drawn everyone to her. 
My aunt Bertha didn't get to raise her own children.  All three died shortly after birth.  However she is like the woman the Bible speaks of who had no children of her own but was blessed with more than a woman who did.  She has touched so many lives with her faith, joy and love for others. She has taught me so much about God and the Bible.  She has influenced so many people that have grown up around her; she has many spiritual children that share in her legacy.  I want to be like her when I grow up.
That's what I want for my children.  I want to leave such a legacy of faith.  I want them to see my love for God doesn't change when trouble comes.  I want to have the Godly character and exude the fruit of the spirit so that they can see Jesus in me.  (God and I are still working on some of those). Thirty years from now when they are my age, I don't want them passing down negative characteristics or habits that they learned from me to their children.  I want them to carry on the legacy of faith and a love for God and His word that makes their influence on their children positive and good.
There are so many things that we can pass down to our children: habits, a sense of style, athletic ability,  interests, or skills, but the most important thing that we as parents pass down to our children is a passionate love for Jesus Christ.  I am so thankful for the Godly women who set an example before me.  My own mother, my granny and my aunt have sown seeds in me that I hope will continue to grow and be replanted in my own children and others around me.

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Deuteronomy 6:7

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Ephesians 5:1-2

Let Them Live

24 weeks-considered viable

As I hugged my children this morning, I hugged them tighter and a little longer than I usually do on a busy school morning. I held them longer for all the babies who will never have the opportunity to have a mother hug them. I held them close in honor of all the babies who will not be allowed to live over the next four years.

You see, yesterday, over half the voters in our beloved United States of America voted to put back into office the most radical pro-abortion president we have ever had. A president with one of the most prominent points of his democratic platform being to provide abortion on demand right up until the time of birth. A president who voted 4 times while in the Senate to prevent babies who survived an abortion from receiving medical care. He would rather they be discarded and left to die. How sad it is that the people of our country care so little about a child’s life.

Some voters don’t know the president’s extreme policy on abortion. That’s no excuse. If they cared about life and preventing abortions, they could check his policies and past voting records to find the truth. Some voters just don’t care. They chose to vote for him despite knowing and believing that abortion is wrong and simply turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to the truth. Then of course there are those who actually agree with his abortion agenda.

I’m not sure which of these three is worse. I can say, however, to a baby that is being destroyed, it doesn’t matter. To a child that has great potential but isn’t allowed the decency of even being born, what difference does it make? My heart is broken this morning. My heart breaks for all the children across this land who are mere pawns in a political war. Instead of being seen as innocent human beings with beating hearts and sweet souls, they are seen as a plague to be rid of or trash to be thrown out.

What a sad, sad day it is. So today, despite my disappointment in the American people, I am more thankful than ever for my children. I want to hold them and never let go. I’m so thankful that my mother, a mother of 5, chose life. I am thankful that abortion never entered her mind or mine. I am thankful for all the women and men who work tirelessly, even now, to save the lives of preborn children.  We will have to work even harder now. “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless and see that they get justice. ” Proverbs 31:8,9

We will have to pray even more now that God would move on the hearts of women to love their babies so much that they will do whatever it takes to protect them and give them life. That He will move on the hearts of lawmakers and judges to protect the lives of unborn children. When my children ask me what my “Pro-Life" T-shirt means, I simply tell them that I am for life and I believe every child deserves the chance to live.

Do you?

Be of Good Cheer

Have you ever just needed some encouragement? Life gets hard. Sometimes, really hard. Sometimes, things just pile up. Sometimes, you get tired of hearing about everything you are doing wrong and how you need to change this or that.

As I was chiding my children the other night for not doing something I told them to do, I felt like a broken record. I caught myself thinking, I wonder if they ask themselves if they ever do anything right. Don’t get me wrong, I do encourage my kids and praise them for each success. But I also stay after them a lot, probably more than is needed. Honestly, I get tired of hearing me, so I am sure they do too.

I get like that too. I know I am not perfect. I know that we all need improvement and need to grow in the Lord. I am constantly reading books or Bible studies to help me grow in one area or another. I try to reflect on each sermon from my pastor to see if I am the person he is talking about instead of pointing fingers. There have been times that I have felt like there was so much about me that needed to be changed, that I honestly did not know where to start. That’s when I need encouragement. I need to remind myself that “I may not be where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be. I’m okay and I’m on my way” - Joyce Meyer. Do I always have to feel bad about myself to be a good Christian? No!

Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” There is a difference between condemnation and conviction. I don’t have to wallow in what I am doing wrong. I do need to be aware of it, pray about it, do what I can do and let God change me through His Holy Spirit. The Bible is full of encouragement as well as conviction and instruction. We need a balance of both. Sometimes the circumstances of life can be overwhelming. We need to know that God loves us, is rooting for us, and will not let us go. We need to know that we are not alone. We need to know that we have strengths and not just weaknesses.

So, I intend to pour on the encouragement for my children, my husband and whomever I see that may need it (even me). I am going to use not only correction from the Bible, “Do everything without arguing or complaining” but also encouragement, “Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the LORD.” Many scriptures even have both in the same sentence. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works(encouragement), which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them(instruction).”

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (Jesus) John 16:33

Another Life Lesson From Learning to Ride a Bike

 In my last post, Sophie and I were running up and down the drive way. Actually she was riding her bike and I was the one running. Since I had just eaten and was getting tired, Steve decided to help. As Sophie grew more confident, we began to let her make single passes by herself from Steve to me and then back. He would stand a few feet from where I was, push her off to me, and I would catch her if she started to fall.

She was doing great but was easily distracted. She would look away if she saw Nathan throwing the football. She would look away if she saw a butterfly flying by. It didn’t take much to catch her attention. As soon as she would look away from whomever she was riding toward, she would get off balance and start to fall. “Don’t look away.” I would tell her. “Keep your eyes on me and you won’t fall.”

How many times when we are riding through life, do we take our eyes off Jesus and get “off balance”? It likely happens more than most of us would like to admit. We may be riding through life with the wind in our hair and because it’s smooth sailing, we take our eyes off Jesus. We think we are doing just fine on our own and begin to look away at other things. Busyness, comfort or sin begins to take precedent over Jesus and we begin to get off balance. Because of our wrong choices, we may get more than a bruise or scraped knee.

It’s also easy to get distracted by bad things in the world. Pain and evil are all around us. We see it on the news and in the paper. Sometimes in our own lives, the pain seems overwhelming. For some, it may be a loved one who is sick. For others, it may be their own sickness or a troubled marriage. It may be the loss of a job or difficulty with a child. Although life’s circumstances can be hard, we have to fix our eyes on Jesus. “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” We cannot run this race without Him as our focus. Don’t lose heart; keep your eyes on Jesus.