I was three weeks into being a mom, and
my head was spinning. I had the most beautiful baby boy I had ever
seen. I know that all moms think that, but I really did have the
most beautiful baby. He had beautiful olive skin, thick black hair
that felt like a teddy bear’s soft fur and perfect facial features.
This was the baby I had prayed for. I had wanted a baby for a long
time. Although my husband and I had only been trying for 6 months to
conceive, the longing for a child had been in my heart for years.
Now that he was with us, it wasn’t as
I had imagined. The reflux he had caused a lot of crying (for both
of us). All in all though, he was perfect. The problem was with me.
After just 3 weeks of giving birth to my first child, I thought I
should be doing much more than caring for my child and myself. I
wanted to be supermom and superwife. I wasn’t going to be the
stay-at-home mom that many people had wrongfully stereotyped.
I wanted the house to be clean. I wanted supper to be ready when
Steve came home. I wanted to look half-way decent by then too. Note
that this is what I wanted; it was not what Steve expected of me. I
didn’t understand why I could not do it all. I was so frustrated
with myself.
I failed to realize looking after a
newborn was a full-time job. All the other stuff would get done,
eventually, and there were plenty of restaurants on Steve’s drive
home to get takeout. When my sister, Charlene, stopped by one last
time before leaving to go home to North Carolina, she could tell
something was wrong. Because her mother-in-law was with her at the
time, she didn’t say anything. Later, when I told her about my
anxieties, she reminded me that my only priority right then was to
take care of Nathan and myself.
See, I was trying to live up to what
mothers feel like they are expected to do, EVERYTHING. I’m not
sure where that pressure comes from. Whether it is society’s view
of motherhood, our own mothers who did everything (and made it look
easy) or our own misconceived ideas, we don’t have to try to “do
it all” at the same time. It takes time for a new mom to get the
hang of being a mother. After all, my baby was only 3 weeks old! I
realized that as a mom, the needs of my children are my first
priority. I also needed to take care of myself so that I would have
the strength and energy to take care of my baby. That doesn’t mean
that we aren’t supposed to tidy our homes, cook or take care of
other things that need to be done. It means that when our kids need
us, we let other things wait. Even if it is just sitting and rocking
(and bonding) with a newborn. And we don’t stress about everything
else.
Now that my kids are 5 and 7, I miss
those days when they were babies wrapped up in blankets sleeping in
my arms. I don’t miss the screaming and crying or the sleepless
nights, but I do miss holding them and gazing into each others’
eyes. Along the way, I have learned that the only person who expects
me to be supermom is me. This summer, my house has not been as clean
as I would like it to be, and I am sure that Steve gets tired of
having to go to the laundry room to grab a clean towel because I have
not folded laundry. However, my kids are having a blast at the YMCA
pool, going to see Madagascar 3 at the movies and playing games with
their mom. I work at my outside job in the mornings, and after
lunch, I work at trying to make sure they have a fun, memorable
summer.
I know I need to lead by example on how
to be responsible, do a good job and complete a task at hand. I also
don't want my children to think they are the center of the universe
and think that the world should revolve around them. (Although
sometimes it does; especially when they are babies!) However, I DO
want them to know that they are worth the extra effort, and that they
and their Dad are more important to me than anything else. They probably won't remember if our
house was spotless, but hopefully they will remember having
fun-filled summers with their mom and a childhood where they were valued and loved.
