Lighten Up!

I already knew that I had a tendency to take life too seriously, but my son made it painfully clear to me the day of his 6^th birthday party. I had been busy getting together goody bags and balloons. I made sure he had the Ironman cake he wanted with coordinating plates, napkins and table cloths. All of the presents were wrapped and ready to go. Of course, I had been busy that morning. Steve conveniently had something else to do. Actually I think he had a meeting at church, and he would be home before we left for the party at the bowling alley.

I was in my bathroom fixing my hair while Sophie and Nathan were roaming around nearby. Nathan had come into the bathroom to weigh himself. He was a little underweight (picky eater that he is) and we had been encouraging him to eat better so that he could put on a few pounds. My mind was overloaded with trying to think of what I had forgotten, which was usually something important. He made a comment about his weight, and all I said was that we would keep working on it. It must have been the way I said it because he looked at me through the mirror and said, “Daddy’s fun, but you…" He tried to backtrack and say, “You’re fun too, but…" He didn’t quite know how to get his foot out of his mouth. Devastated (mostly because I knew he was right) I began to cry.

I must admit that I began to try to make him feel guilty. “Who do you think did all this for your birthday?” Who has been taking care of everything for you to have a good birthday? ME!”  That of course, did not make me feel better. He was right. I could and usually did go overboard with having to have things just right. This perfectionism had a tendency to stress me out (as well as those around me).  I could always find something that needed to be done or changed.
 I came from a hard-working family who never craved attention.  My parents and siblings were not your typical outgoing free-spirits. We were more reserved observers.  My brother Tommy and sister Charlene were the most fun-loving of the bunch, but even they married even more outgoing, outspoken spouses.  In fact, all of us did.  Growing up in my house, idleness was usually not tolerated, and there was always work to be done. Not that there is anything wrong with that. The Bible teaches us not to be idle but to work hard and do everything as unto the Lord.  However, I never really learned how to let go and just have fun. I also nurtured a fear of what people would think of me if I let loose and acted silly. Karaoke? Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t even take chorus in high school because I had heard that you had to sing a solo in front of the class as part of your quarterly exams. I wouldn’t try out for cheerleading because the other kids (boys) could watch you try out. I didn’t really like being that way, but I didn’t have the guts to change.

So, now to my son, I was boring and uptight. Not his exact words, but mine. Even Steve has asked me on occasion to lighten up, but when the words that I wasn’t fun came from my 6 year old, it hit home. I realized my kids don’t need everything to be perfect. They need me to laugh with them. They need me to act goofy sometimes. They need to see me smile, a lot. Nathan actually has the predisposition to take things very seriously too. He doesn’t quite even know how to take a joke yet. I see that part of myself in him more than I would like. I realize that I not only need to teach him to be responsible but to enjoy life. The Bible has something to say about this too. “A merry heart does well like a medicine.” “A happy heart makes the face smile.”

So now I have to make a conscious effort to let some things go and learn how to let loose a little. It isn’t easy to undo years of being this way, but I don’t want to be uptight and rigid. I don’t want my kids to be either.

Do I Thank God for the “Little” Things?

Thank you God for my family, my church, my bed….. Bed? How sweet and how convicting was that one innocent phrase out of the abundance of my 3 year old daughter’s heart. Sophie hadn’t been saying her prayers on her own for very long. She had heard me many times kneeling by her bed thanking God for all the big things: Daddy, Nathan, Sophie, Ganny and Pepa, Mema and Big Daddy, our church, Daddy’s job and so on. This came completely out of her little heart. She was thankful for her bed. My heart was so touched. Without even realizing it, she got it. She knew that every good gift came from God. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17 (NIV). Did I realize that? How much did I take for granted, not giving a second thought to the everyday comforts of life?

After kissing her good night, I left her room and went to ponder this simple prayer. I’d never even thought about thanking God for my bed. I’d not stopped to think about all the people who sleep on dirt floors or splintered wooden floors or the homeless who sleep on concrete…until then. Sophie didn’t think about that either. She just knew she had a bed to sleep in with pretty, flowery sheets and a warm quilt. How many other seemingly small things did I take for granted?

It reminded me of when our son was 3 and had just started preschool 3 mornings a week. He was so excited to have his own backpack. Every night when he prayed, he would thank God for his backpack and his folder. His folder was just a simple blue folder with his name on it that his teachers sent notes home in. To him, it was something worth thanking God for. Steve and I thought it was funny and cute. Looking back, it was more than that. It was the innocent overflow of a grateful heart. Now at 7, he finds it uncomfortable to pray in front of us. He seems to have difficulty thinking of what to say. When I tell him to just tell God what he is thankful for, he remains quiet. I tell myself that it is just a stage on shyness, which Nathan has never been. Is he still thankful for little things or does the comfort and accumulating toys give him a sense of entitlement? Not that we lavish “things” on our kids, we don’t. But birthdays and Christmas and times in between are met with generous grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends.

So the question for me is, am I setting a good example of being thankful? Is the only time I really talk about thankfulness at Thanksgiving? Do I thank God for our clothes or fuss about the never ending laundry? Do I express verbal thankfulness for our home or do my children hear me gripe about always having to clean up? When the light comes on in the van to get gas again, do I let out a big sigh or thank God for a way to go? What about having to cook? Am I really thankful for the food and togetherness at mealtime or is it just a worn down, half-hearted blessing that we have to get through before we can eat?

Beyond that, what about sunsets and sunrises, warm sunny weather and cool autumn evenings? What about friends to laugh with and talk to? What about ice cream or hot chocolate or the ability to take a stroll through our neighborhood? What about cell phones and computers? The list goes on and on. There are so many big and little things to thank God for; we could do it with every breath we breathe.

Yes, these simple little prayers from my children have taught me to look at each good gift as a gift from God, because that is indeed what it is. To take it a step further, I don’t need to just be thankful in my heart. “Be thankful and say so to Him, bless and affectionately praise His name!” Psalm 100:4 (Amplified). I need to express thanksgiving aloud so that my now older and sometimes ungrateful children can hear and follow suit. So I can be like Paul when he said, “Pattern yourselves after me [follow my example], as I imitate and follow Christ (the Messiah).” 1 Corinthians 11:1 (Amplified).

Why In the World Did I Start Blogging?

I recently came home from what should have been an encouraging ladies’ event at my church. We had dear ladies from our church teaching 45 minute classes on skills that women use at home, some of which were sewing, cooking, having a peaceful and orderly home, photography and a few more. The women teaching these classes were experts at their skills. Instead of being encouraged, though, I and my ever over-analyzing brain, took home the thought “I don’t know how to do anything.” I didn’t even take in to account that these women had practiced, taken classes themselves, or had many years of experience. My confidence had been shattered. I was probably the world’s worst at comparing myself to other women. It wasn’t about looks (anymore) or material possessions; it was about talents and abilities.

When I got home, my husband, Steve, knew something was wrong. He couldn’t understand why I was feeling that way. He said, “Just figure out something you want to do and start practicing and working at it. It doesn’t just happen overnight.” Pretty simple and straight to the point, but not the answer I wanted to hear. I wanted him to give me a long list of things I was good at. I knew he was right, but my mind kept telling me that I had no natural ability to be good at anything, even the things I felt God was leading me to do. Where was all this coming from? It didn’t take me long to figure that one out. At least I had the capacity to see that these were lies from my worst enemy and it wasn’t me. It was Satan. So now what? I did the one thing that I have learned I should do first. I went to God. I told the kids they could watch TV for a few minutes and went to my room to cry out to God. After about 5 minutes of praying, I got out my Bible and a devotion book, “Embracing Your Strengths,” I had bought nearly three years ago at a Women of Faith conference. I had never even started it. I began searching for answers in the one place that has them all, God’s Word. With my 5 year old daughter in my lap (she was concerned because she saw me crying) I searched the scriptures and found the peace I needed.

However, the thought still didn’t completely leave me that there was something else I wanted to do. Over the next few days, I began thinking about what skills or talents I could hone in on. I could draw pretty well, but I had not completed anything since high school, over 18 years ago. I hadn’t even tried to draw in over 15. Then one day after reading my pastor’s blog, I thought, why not write? Not that this idea was completely out of the blue; I have thought about it off and on for a long time. Nor did I think writing well was easy, but it was something I enjoyed doing.  My dream would be to one day write a Bible study. However, I had always just brushed off the idea and went on with my everyday life. I had done well with writing stories and essays in school, so why not give it a shot?

So, this blog was birthed.

If there are any subjects that I always have something to write about, it’s my awesome God and my two precious children, Nathan and Sophie. He uses them every day to get through to me. I have never needed His guidance and wisdom more than I do since I became a mother. I never knew I could make so many mistakes and need His forgiveness and mercy so much until I became a mother. I never knew that a child could teach me so much about myself and my God. I never felt so inadequate or as humbled as I have been since I became a mother. I have also never felt so loved or needed as I am now that I am a mommy. So, even if this is never read by anyone but me, at least I will be able to remember the journey of learning from my little ones.