Great Expectations

I read a quote today that challenged me. “Focus more on who your child is than on what your child does. Remember, you’re growing a person, not fixing a problem.” (L.R.Knost)  Sometimes I think we as parents, expect our children to not act like children.  I have read and heard by professional counselors and speakers that expectations kill relationships. Often as parents, we expect our children to grow emotionally or mentally immediately, but that isn’t how it works. Their bodies don’t grow immediately from a 6-year-old to a 10-year-old. Why do we often expect them to grow behaviorally overnight?

I am so guilty of this. But when you think about it, do we as Christians grow spiritually overnight? Do we put bad habits to rest overnight? Do we grow in patience, compassion and wisdom overnight? No! Why do we put such pressure on our children to conform to our expectations overnight? Are our expectations even realistic?  Do we expect our kids to readily master emotions or behavior that we, ourselves, are still struggling with?

God’s mercies are new for us every morning. That’s good news! God is patient with us, far more patient with me that I am with my children at times. We often miss the wonderful little people our children are by focusing on the things they do that we don’t like.  Are they kind, generous or thoughtful?  Are they intelligent, honest or gracious? We are all works in progress, children and parents.

By all means, we are to train, teach and nurture our children in godly character. We are also to set an example of godly character.  But it doesn’t happen overnight. “Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”  Let’s examine our expectations. Let’s be persistent but patient. I don’t nag my husband, but I confess I am sometimes a nagging mom. Nagging will eventually lead to children who don’t want to be around us. Let’s teach our children to strive for excellence not perfection. And let’s remember that the only perfect person to ever walk this earth was Jesus!